


you give a little love (and it all comes back to you)

by Lou87



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - School, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-06 16:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lou87/pseuds/Lou87
Summary: (AU) Vanessa is pretty sure she shouldn't be thinking this much about Charity Dingle; tempestuous, difficult, beautiful and the mother of her best student.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been some time since I've written for any fandom and this is my first for Emmerdale. Be gentle.

*

She hates the place already. It reminds her of her old school; draughty yet cramped and stifling all at the same time. Noah is five steps ahead of her, distancing himself from her as he heads towards what she presumes is the door to the assembly hall. The walls are papered with various exhibits of the students work; cheerful drawings underneath even more obscenely cheerful banners about the Year 7 trip to the Bronte house. She can’t remember if Noah went on that trip; she supposes he did but time passes so quickly and she has missed so much that it hurts too much to wonder if his drawings were ever amongst these and that she never got the opportunity to see them.

They finally reach the hall and Noah pauses long enough to hold it open for her; the assembly hall is unexpectedly noisy and Charity winces at the seemingly constant buzz of children and parents who are flitting everywhere. There are desks planted around the room, each of them with a small, neatly printed sign with the names of the teachers and their respective subjects; groups of chairs are placed around the hall like waiting areas, mostly filled with harried looking parents and bored teenagers which, she thinks, is probably exactly how she and Noah look.

“D’ya wanna sit here?” Noah mumbles to her and gestures towards two empty brown plastic seats with questionable stains on them. She sits down, taking out the paper leaflet Noah had wordlessly thrust in her hand a week ago.

“So, what teachers do you want to see?” She tries to be positive, to sound interested and engaged like she knows she should be.

He shrugs in response, his hooded jacket slightly too big for him although she supposes that’s the way kids wear them now, like everything is falling off them. “Dunno, maybe my English teacher.” It’s meant to be a Parents Evening with a difference; the students choose the teachers they want feedback from; Charity thinks it’s most likely a comfortable little get-out clause for the teachers who will manage to avoid speaking to the most troublesome pupils who definitely won’t choose to see them.

There’s a lengthy pause before Charity prompts him further “And…?” She resists the urge to roll her eyes; she hasn’t come all this way and sacrificed her early shift just to speak to the one teacher that Noah can tolerate.

“Maybe my Biology teacher I guess,” He seems to perk up a bit at that thought; she knows he enjoys Biology, to understand how things work and why. She watches him as he scans the room and his gaze stops, “Looks like she’s busy….” Noah pauses again and resumes scanning the vast hall for other teachers that he manages to endure “We can go to Mr Barton…he’s my PE teacher.” He turns back to cheekily smile at her, and he suddenly turns back into her playful, lively little boy “He reckons I could play in the Premier League….”

“Oh does he now?” She smirks back at him, his eyes look alive and she remembers how much she misses this, “Well, if you do, don’t forget me when you make your riches playing for United….”

He rolls his eyes dramatically with a smirk on his face. “Come on, it’s all about City now Mum….” He gets up from the chair, looking impatiently down to her with a hint of a smile on his face. “Are we going or what?”

*

They manage to see six of his teachers, some of them more begrudgingly than others. The majority, Charity is pleased to hear, think that whilst Noah doesn’t apply himself enough (she has to feign surprise at that) he has potential and will most likely make it comfortably through his exams.

The last teacher is for Biology and Noah heads determinedly to where she presumes the last teacher is sat waiting. She sees the little sign with the teacher’s name before she sees the person; Dr Woodfield, Biology (the folded over sign has a little leaf, coloured with green felt tip, drawn next to the word ‘Biology’ and she has a funny feeling that Dr Woodfield drew it herself) It’s the last session of the evening and most of the teachers look bored or harassed and some a mixture of both.

“Alright Miss?” She hears Noah greet his teacher as she weaves her way through some parents (and teenagers that are trailing behind them) who wander in front of her while she quickly finishes her text to Chas on her phone, promising her swift return.

By the time she reaches the desk, he’s already sat down. Dr Woodfield stands up to greet her, blonde ponytail swinging slightly as she does so. “Mrs Dingle, I’m Dr Woodfield.” She holds out her hand with a genuine smile, “Vanessa.”

Charity passes the phone into her other palm, and takes Vanessa’s proffered hand, smiling back at her politely; ‘Vanessa’ seems perky and positive and she’s somewhat surprised that the usually sullen and grumpy Noah, of all people, would enjoy being in the class of someone so…nice. “It’s Ms Dingle actually.” She pauses for a moment, “Charity.”

They move to sit down and Vanessa begins what she presumes is her standard introduction to a Parents Evening slot. “I’m Noah’s Biology teacher and the point of this session is just to talk through his progress and his expected results.” She flips through a sheet with what Charity guesses are various names of students. After a few moments, Vanessa clearly finds what she is looking for as she starts speaking again, “Okay, so Noah is expected to achieve an A* in his summer exam.” She thinks for a moment that Vanessa must have got the information wrong but neither Vanessa nor Noah look surprised by this information. “He’s in the top five for Biology so we don’t really have any concerns about his performance.”

“Sorry, top five?” Charity glances at Noah briefly who has a smug smile of satisfaction on his face.

“Oh yes, sorry, er, Noah is one of the top five students in his year for Biology.” She pauses for a second, looking at Noah and then back at her “Noah and I have spoken about him taking the subject as an A-Level and obviously his potential beyond that.”

She can’t help the puzzled expression that she knows is on her face, “Beyond that? Like, what, university?”

Vanessa looks up at her, wide eyed (and, Charity guesses, optimistic) “Yes, Noah is more than capable to achieve being accepted at University. If that’s what he wants of course.”

Charity shakes her head, putting her phone down on the desk, “I’m sorry, yeah, but I can’t afford that.” Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Noah’s shoulders slump slightly. Charity moves forward in her seat, trying to put her point across. “Look, I run a pub, okay? I’m not minted.” She hates the tone of her voice; it’s so unnecessarily dismissive and she knows she sounds uneducated, crass. She feels like a stereotype; the poor common mouthy barmaid resisting the attempts of some cultured teacher trying to get her son into the middle class. But she needs this ‘Dr Woodfield’ to understand that she literally cannot stretch her finances to Noah going to university.

“Well, I’m sure that….”

“You’re sure of what exactly?” Charity starts, trying to keep her voice calm and measured – she knows the teacher is trying to help but all she can think of is the disappointment that Noah will feel when it doesn’t work out; things never do. “Unless I win the lottery at some point, there’s no way I can afford for him to go to university.”

“There are loans and grants that Noah could apply for.” Vanessa responds with a positive smile, looking at Noah briefly before focusing her attention back to Charity. “This is all a long way off, of course…” Charity can tell that she Vanessa is trying to placate her, calm the situation; she’s not sure if it achieves the desired objective or just aggravates her further. “Noah can focus on his GCSE’s next year and there’s plenty of time for him to decide what he wants to do in the future.” Vanessa smiles again at her but it’s strange; Charity feels like it’s genuine and that it’s real and it unnerves her. The teacher turns to Noah, “I know you’ve got the module test coming up on Friday so I’m running a study group at lunchtime on Thursday. I take it you’ll be coming?”

Charity is about to scoff at the idea of her son giving up his lunch break to study of all things when he replies, “Yeah, sure. Will it be in the lab?”

Vanessa nods in response and as they carry on speaking about study times and dates, Charity tunes out, thoughts of how little she knows about her son occupying her mind. Suddenly, they both turn to look at her expectantly and Charity smiles awkwardly at them both. “Okay…right, well er, is there anything else you need to tell me?” She asks, trying to avoid looking at Noah who will no doubt guess that she was a million miles away.

Noah looks embarrassed as he nudges her, “Mum, she just asked you about the school trip.” He pauses, waiting for an answer, “So? Can I go?”

“Yeah, course! Sounds great!” Charity responds over enthusiastically as though she’s heard every word but Noah looks sceptical.

“Great.” Vanessa grins at Noah who responds in kind, “You’ll love it.” She makes a move to stand up, “Right, well, I look forward to seeing you in study group on Thursday Noah.” She nods towards him and then looks to Charity, holding out her hand again, “It was nice to meet you…Charity.” She takes her hand again and Charity tries to ignore how warm and soft it feels in her own. Their gazes meet as they hold hands for a second too long and there’s a little knot in her stomach that she feels starting to grow.

Suddenly, there’s a clang of something hitting the floor on the other side of the hall (and an embarrassed “sorry!” shouted over the noise of chattering parents and teacher) and they drop their hands and their gaze. Vanessa briefly looks at the floor with what Charity thinks is a blush. Interesting.

“Bye Miss” Noah says goodbye and begins to walk away from the desk; Charity can hear him greeting a friend in the background noise of the hall. Charity starts to move away from the table.

“Thanks for your time,” Charity offers what she hopes is an apologetic smile and Vanessa nods a goodbye and a muttered “You too.”

Charity heads off to the central waiting area, not before briefly looking over her shoulder; Vanessa is sitting back down in her chair, ostensibly looking at paperwork but in reality, she seems to be looking at nothing at all, biting her lip in thought before tucking some of her fringe behind her ear and then finally picking up a pen. Charity turns back to her destination to find Noah but she can’t help but think that Dr Woodfield really is quite attractive, even with the “goody two shoes” attitude and country yummy mummy fashion sense.

Moving towards the centre of the hall, she tries to find her son amongst the throng of identical looking teenage boys. She spots him laughing and chatting with another boy that she presumes is a friend. “Noah, come on, I’ve got to get back.” He seems to accept it without much argument and they leave the hall, making their way back through the corridors silently; at least he’s walking next to her this time, albeit wordlessly.

“Well, she’s nice.” Charity finds herself saying out of nowhere.

“Who?” Noah shoves his hands in his pockets as they exit the door to the carpark.

“Vanessa. Dr Woodfield.” She corrects herself and glances at him sideways to gauge his response.

“Yeah, she’s nice. Better than most of them.” Noah walks slightly ahead of her, spotting her car. “At least she thinks I can make it to University….”

Charity sighs, “Oh don’t be like that…It’s not that I don’t think you can…” She roots around in her pocket for her car keys, and after finding them, goes to grab her phone from her coat pocket which is suspiciously empty and then she goes to the pock of her jeans, but nothing. She groans, visualising it sat on the desk of Dr Woodfield. “Babe, I need to go back in… left my phone with your favourite teacher didn’t I? You alright to wait yeah?”

He scowls at her, “Fine.” Before she closes the door to the car, he mutters “Just don’t have another go at her.”

*

The hall has cleared considerably by the time she’s walked all the way back; it seems to be just teachers left, packing away their paperwork and moving tables around. Dr Woodfield is at the far end of the hall and Charity makes her way over, dodging some overenthusiastic teachers moving stacks of chairs too quickly, most likely glad they made it through the evening alive.

Vanessa has her back to her, packing up her bag on her chair. Once Charity is standing right at the front of the table, she coughs subtly to alert the woman to her presence. Vanessa turns around and Charity braces herself for a reaction, wondering if it will be negative after her less than positive response to the suggestion of University, but she definitely does not expect the beaming smile that she receives.

“Charity…Hi.” Vanessa smiles brightly, before it dims slightly, “Is everything alright….Charity?” It takes the utterance of her name to make Charity realise she may have just been staring ever so slightly.

“Oh yeah, sorry…” She gestures to the table, her phone slightly hidden by the last of Vanessa’s paperwork. “Left me phone.” She picks it up and puts it in her coat pocket. She’s not making any attempt to move and she isn’t completely sure why.

“I’m sorry if I…”

“I shouldn’t have…”

They start to speak at the same time, stopping themselves and then both laughing self-consciously. And Charity definitely doesn’t notice that Vanessa looks really beautiful when she laughs. “You first.”

“I shouldn’t have suggested about Noah going to University without understanding your situation. I apologise if I came across like I’m interfering.” She sneaks a grin at Charity, “I’ve been told it’s a fault of mine.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I came across like a mardy cow.” Charity smirks before adding, “I’m told that’s a fault of mine an’ all.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Charity quirks an eyebrow in response, “Not that I mean I understand that you’re a mardy cow,” She adds hurriedly, “I meant that I understand that university isn’t always an option for everyone. I should have considered that before mentioning it to Noah.”

“It’s okay, I know what you mean. And I am actually sorry that I was so dismissive of it.” She pauses, “I’m not big on apologies so I hope you feel suitably honoured.”

She laughs lightly and feels a sense of relief when Vanessa laughs along with her and nods. “I do.” Silence, although not an uncomfortable one, begins to bloom and Charity desperately searches for something to say, anything, so she doesn’t have to leave just yet. But Vanessa bridges the quiet herself. “There are options you know….For Noah I mean.” Vanessa waits a moment, “If he wants to go to University.”

“Maybe.” Charity nods in acquiescence, “I know he’s capable, more than capable. I just don’t want him getting his hopes up for me to ruin them. Again. Got a slight habit of that.”

Vanessa doesn’t question the last few words and moves forward, closer to her, so close that Charity can smell her perfume; she can really see her. “I can help.” Vanessa suddenly looks embarrassed and stumbles, “I mean, help, er, look into, um things, you know, to help him get to University. Like, loans and, er, stuff. If you want.”

She wonders whether Vanessa knows how endearing she is when she’s feeling embarrassed, especially when that blush creeps up her face again like it is now. “Yeah, thanks. That would be great.” Charity says genuinely and Vanessa looks like she must have been holding her breath as she sighs slightly in relief at Charity’s agreement.

Suddenly, Charity realises just how close they’re standing to each other and just how beautiful Vanessa is up close. And then there they are, looking into each other’s eyes again like it’s some cheesy romcom. Although, she thinks, it’s not that she actually hates it; it doesn’t feel like the rest of the world stops but as their eyes meet, it certainly feels close to it. Before she can try to make herself think about moving even a centimetre, let alone do it, she hears and then feels the vibration of her phone in her pocket; Chas.

“Er….I have to go.” She says, her voice huskier than she expected and she is sure she sees disappointment flash over Vanessa’s face before she summons a smile.

“Of course, well, feel free to come in whenever you want and discuss Noah’s progress” She says brightly and Charity wonders if that offer was made to all the parents.

Charity nods wordlessly but adds a smile that she hopes conveys her appreciation.

“Bye.” Charity says quietly, their eyes meeting and lingering slightly too long. Again. This is becoming a habit, she thinks with an internal roll of her eyes.

“Bye.” Vanessa replies in kind, equally quiet and with the smallest coy smile on her face.

“Bye.” Charity says again, her voice drifting off as she backs further away, before a teacher walks in front of her carrying a table too heavy for them. Soon, Vanessa is obscured and Charity struts out of the hall, trying to suppress her smile.

*

Vanessa watches Charity as she leaves, attempting to stifle the grin that is unwillingly appearing on her face. Eventually, she resumes packing away her paperwork and laptop, wondering if she will manage to see Johnny for a few minutes when she gets home.

“So, since when have you been chatting up Noah Dingle’s mum?” Rhona’s voice comes from behind her and she can tell just from her friend’s tone that there’s a smirk on her face.

Vanessa slowly turns around, bracing herself for Rhona’s response, “Don’t know what you mean.” It seems that her attempts to resist the urge to smile have failed as Rhona looks at her sceptically.

“Hm, now why don’t I believe you? Is it that massive grin on your face?” She taps her forefinger on her chin. “Or, is that because one, you’re gay? Two, that you’re single? Or is it three, that she’s ridiculously fit?” Rhona can’t help but laugh at the mock appalled expression on friend’s face. “Or is it secret option number four? That you look like you’re about to start drooling?”

Vanessa sticks her tongue out. “Er, ‘scuse me. You’re not supposed to think she’s fit. Well, Pete will be devastated that you’re no longer straight.” She puts a hand to her heart dramatically.

“Er, excuse me, but she is ridiculously fit; I don’t have to be gay, I just have to have eyes.” Rhona replies quickly.

“Who’s ridiculously fit?” Paddy interjects, moving over from his table several feet away, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Vanessa sighs to herself; she loves her department and her colleagues, and she feels overwhelmingly grateful for her two fellow Biology teachers who have become probably the best friends she’s ever had. But sometimes, she really wishes they weren’t so bloody nosy.

“Noah Dingle’s mum.” Rhona responds before Vanessa can tell Paddy to mind his own.

Paddy raises his eyebrows in surprise, “Well, you might think she’s fit but she’s also probably Satan in a dress.” He laughs to himself at what Vanessa assumes he thinks is his own hilarity.

Vanessa frowns, “Well, she seemed perfectly nice to me.”

Paddy rocks back on his heels, “Well I’m sure she did. Give her ten minutes and she’ll be scamming you out of your life savings.”

Rhona looks worriedly from Paddy back to Vanessa, “Be careful yeah?” Her tone is soft and Vanessa feels thankful that they care so much, even if their concern is unwarranted. Yes, Charity was beautiful and she could barely draw her eyes away from her but she knows there’s nothing to be apprehensive about.

“Both of you, stop mithering alright?” Vanessa looks to the door that Charity left through, “It’s not like I’m going to see her again is it?”

x


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this one a struggle; hopefully it doesn't read that way. Thank you for all your reviews - they are greatly appreciated.

 

*  
“Do we have to?”

"Yes.” Rhona’s reply is quick and decisive as she apply another layer of mascara, sat at Vanessa’s kitchen table and peering in the small mirror. Vanessa scowls at the back of her friend’s head, “No point pulling that face at me by the way, we’re going.” Vanessa scowls more in response.

“No, I mean, do we _really_ have to?” Vanessa repeats herself, fully aware that she sounds like Johnny when he’s whining, all tired and grumpy, but the last thing she wants to do is doll herself up for a night with friends she sees all week at work in some dingy bar in Hotten.

“Yes, we do,” Rhona looks up to her again, putting the mascara back down and narrowing her eyes. “Not least because you’ve spent most of this week daydreaming about a certain someone.”

Vanessa pours herself another wine and tries to school her features into disinterest, “Don’t know what you’re talking about, sorry.”

“Oh come on Ness, you’ve been practically writing ‘I heart Charity Dingle’ on your paperwork all this week,” Rhona stands up, proffering her own empty wine glass for a refill, “You need to get out…”

“…And what?” Vanessa finished her friend’s sentence, “Pull some random? Look, Charity is pretty….” Rhona snorts and Vanessa concedes the point, “Okay, she’s drop dead gorgeous but…I don’t fancy her alright? And I certainly don’t need to get with some woman just to forget about her.”

Rhona seems to finally give up the point and sips her wine, eyeing her friend over the rim of the glass “Fine. That doesn’t mean we aren’t going out though.” 

Vanessa makes what Rhona can only guess to be an overdramatic sigh of acceptance.

“If you and Pete Barton end up making me feel like the third wheel, I honestly won’t hesitate in strangling you, you know?” Vanessa leans against the fridge, staring pointedly at her friend. Rhona and Pete, Hotten Academy’s PE teacher, have a habit of inadvertently making her feel like a nerdy teenager waiting for her best mate to stop snogging her boyfriend behind the bike sheds.

Rhona at least has the good grace to look apologetic, “I promise we won’t."

“Hmm, you said that last time,” Vanessa rolls her eyes good naturedly; she doesn’t begrudge her friend any happiness but it doesn’t half hurt when she’s alone and wondering when exactly she’s supposed to meet someone that makes her feel that good.

“Plus, Trace is coming out isn’t she?”

“Oh, good, so she can keep her lonely spinster sister company then?” Vanessa begins to put the now empty wine glasses in the sink and to tidy up the kitchen so she won’t have to deal with it the next morning with what she already knows will be a punishing hangover.

“Well, I can tell you’re going to be a laugh tonight aren’t you?” Rhona deadpans, grabbing her purse from the side table and making her way to the door where  Vanessa has moved to put on her coat and slip her feet into some heels that are going to make her regret wearing them after ten minutes.

“Sorry, I’ll cheer up in a bit, promise,” Vanessa knows she is being a killjoy; Johnny is with her dad and she’s going to be with some of her good friends, dancing to ridiculous music and drinking far too much and her face will probably hurt from laughing so much by the end of the night, but she can’t help feeling like there’s something missing, something that she’s supposed to have but seems permanently out of her reach. For a split second, she thinks of Charity Dingle; blonde and fun and snarky; the image of her with that smirk on her face comes so clearly into Vanessa’s mind, it’s like she’s standing right there.

“Ness?” Rhona’s voice filters through into her consciousness, “You alright?”

She turns to look at her friend who has a puzzled expression on her face and Vanessa plasters what she hopes looks like a reassuring smile, “Yeah, course…” She makes a show of looking out the window and checking the time on her phone, “Just wondering when that taxi’s going to get here.”

She can tell Rhona doesn’t believe her; they’ve spent too many years as friends, too many years of detecting truths and lies and everything in between. And as much as Vanessa wants to be honest, she’s not entirely sure what she would say even if she was; how does she say that she’s got a ridiculous schoolgirl crush on a woman that she’s known all of five minutes, the mother of one of her best students and a woman who is, most likely, painfully heterosexual.

She peers out of the window until two beams of headlights burst into the quiet darkened street she’s looking out over and Vanessa tries to sound more perky than she feels,

“You ready then?” She smiles back at Rhona who is still eyeing her suspiciously, “I’m fine Rhona, okay? Promise.”

She is fine, she _is_ ; all she needs to do is just forget about unattainable, albeit beautiful, blonde women that she barely knows. Easy.

 

*

 

“Are we actually going to get in or what?” She rolls her eyes for what feels like the umpteenth time, “I’m freezing my ti-“

Chas discretely pinches her elbow whilst maintaining a smile at the bouncer standing in front of the door. “She’s just really eager to get in…." 

The burly man in front of her just looks at them with a vacant stare and then back down at his phone.

“Oh _yeah_ ,” Charity’s voice drips with sarcasm, “Can’t _wait_.”

It’s freezing in the queue; her breath makes clouds in front of her and she’s desperately rubbing her hands together so they don’t succumb to the hypothermia that she can only guess is probably imminent.

“Remind me why I’m here again?” Charity mutters under her breath, blowing onto her hands to keep them warm.

“Er, because it’s been about a million years since we’ve been out?” Chas counts on her first finger and Charity is bracing herself for all the alleged reasons they should be stood in the freezing cold, waiting to drink watered down alcohol and dance to songs that she’d never liked twenty years ago. “Maybe because you’ve been in the worst flamin’ mood all week? I swear, it’s like living with another Noah….”

“Oi!” Charity glares at her cousin, “I’m not sure if you’ve offended me, him or both of us.”

“Well, whatever, all I know is that you’ve been even ruder than usual and that’s saying summat,” Chas comments as the bouncer finally stands aside to allow them in and Charity mutters an exasperated “finally” under her breath and they enter the nightclub with the crowd of patrons behind them. “You sure you’re alright?”

The music starts to get louder as they move into the cloakroom;  there’s a thumping bass coming reverberating through the walls and Charity just feels tired of it all already. She sighs, “Yeah, I’m alright…."She starts, trying to explain something she doesn't quite understand herself (to explain why she’s thinking about her son’s teacher, a woman she's barely exchanged three words with, about how her smile made her that little bit warmer inside) "I'm just thinking about this wom-" But as they move out into the darkened bar, full of disco lights and already drunk dancers so she can’t continue. The music’s too loud and the song playing (she thinks she recognises it or maybe it’s just everything sounds the same nowadays) drowns out her voice.

Chas still looks back to her for the explanation she’d tried to start and Charity just waves her off with her hand, peering through the slightly illuminated darkness. She gestures towards the bar and they amble towards it; Charity’s sure her shoes are sticking to the floor and that someone has already elbowed her in the back. “Mate, can we just have a few drinks and one dance and then go, yeah?” Charity leans to shout in Chas’ ear as they wait for the harassed bartender to move their way. The look on Chas’ face is like she’s kicked a sad, albeit overdramatic, puppy. “Fine,” She relents and Chas grins at her as Charity rolls her eyes, “A _couple_ of dances.”

“Right then, now that you’ve stopped being quite such a grumpy mare, I’m going to the loos” Chas makes a move from the bar.

“Oh great, and I’ve got to battle this lot on my tod?” She thumbs towards the crowd of people either side of them.

She can barely hear Chas’s chuckled response as she wanders off, “Have fun!"

 

*

 

“Come on V, come and show us your moves!” Tracey is making what must be her fifth attempt in the last ten minutes to drag her on to the dancefloor. She’s perfectly happy next to the bar, sipping some obscenely sweet cocktail whilst watching her friends drunkenly dance nearby.

“I have no moves, you know that!” Vanessa shouts back with a smile on her face. She looks over at her friends, all at varying degrees of drunkenness. Tracey, who had started as Hotten Academy’s receptionist only a few months ago, had managed to cajole most of their group of friends to come out and enjoy themselves; there was an impressive group of them dancing close by the bar. “I’ll just watch you Ginger Rodgers!”

“Who?” Tracey stops momentarily giving her a puzzled expression.

She laughs to herself and pushes her sister back amongst their friends, watching with a smile as Tracey’s previously perfectly styled hair becomes more haphazard by the minute as Kerry, one of the Hair and Beauty teachers, drags Tracey back to the throng. Vanessa turns to the bar, stirring her drink with a sigh and wondering when would be an acceptable time to slip out, when Rhona sidles up next to her.

“Trying to work out when you can leave?” She nudges her with her shoulder, slightly breathless and flushed from dancing with Pete.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that exactly,“ Vanessa nudges her back with a grin.

Before she can continues, she sees Paddy approach them and she nods in his direction, “You alright? Lost your way to the toilets then?”

Paddy leans on the bar with a sigh, “You will never guess who I bumped into.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes, “Nope, can’t guess. Who was it?”

Paddy elbows her gently, “No, go on, guess.”

“I don’t want to guess.”

“Go on.”

_One, two, three, breathe_. She sighs, “I don’t know Paddy, The Queen.”

Paddy chuckles, “The Queen? What are you like?” Paddy laughs and then leans into Rhona none too gently and almost knocks her over. “No, I saw Chas.” Vanessa shrugs her shoulders, only half paying attention to his tipsy chatter, “Y’know, Chas. Chas Dingle.”

Vanessa suddenly becomes a lot more interested but vainly attempts to feign a look of nonchalance on her face, "Oh yeah?"

Paddy signals to the bartender for a drink, "We went out a few times, a long time ago," He chuckles wryly, "Those Dingles are definitely some characters."

Vanessa tries a look of nonchalance, "Are they?" She knows Rhona is watching; she can feel her friend's eyes on her. "On her own is she?"

"No, I think she's with Charity, Noah Dingle's mum," He tells her before turning to her with a sly smirk on his face as though he's just suddenly worked it all out, "And now I can see why _you're_ so interested."

She coughs, tracing the condensation on the now empty glass in front of her, "Just asking."

"I'm sure," Paddy practically sniggers and Vanessa catches the warning glare that Rhona gives him. "I'm sure."

_I'm not interested_ , she thinks, _I'm not_.

 

*

 

"Did you go to the loos in Leeds or what?" Charity grumbles as Chas rejoins her, standing by the edge of the bar, her overpriced double vodka almost drunk. "I've been stood here like a right Billy No Mates."

Chas rolls her eyes, "Alright, alright," She takes her drink and sips it with a sigh, "I actually saw Paddy Kirk and we got talking, do you remember him? He were upstairs."

Charity's sure she's probably supposed to know exactly who her cousin is talking about but she hasn't the faintest so just nods and hopes she moves on. 

"He hasn't changed," Chas doesn't seem to notice her lack of response and carries on, turning round to survey the heaving dance floor. "Still the same old Paddy."

She turns to mirror Chas, feeling old as she watches kids practically her age dancing to what sounds like just noise to her. _Christ_ , she thinks with an internal groan, _I really am getting old._

"He teaches at Hotten Academy still you know," Chas continues to herself, "Still looks a typical Biology teacher an' all. Bless him."

Charity's heart lurches in her chest. "He's a Biology teacher?" 

Chas turns to her with a look on her face that she knows doesn't bode well for her, "Yes, we went out. Quite a few times. You met him. Quite a few times."

She smiles, "Of course. _Paddy_ , yeah, mm, I remember him." Chas narrows her eyes, clearly unsure of whether she believes the sudden recognition, "So, upstairs was he?" Charity tries to subtly down the last of her drink, "With anyone? Friends or coworkers or....?"

"Er, yeah, think he's with a load of the teachers from the school, some of his Biology mates I think...." Chas looks dubiously in her direction, "Why do you care anyway?"

But Charity is already pushing herself away from the bar, straightening her suit and hoping that she doesn't make a complete fool of herself.

Chas moves to stand in front of her, effectively blocking her in, eyes narrowed in suspicion, "What you doing?"

"Nothing, I just...." She sighs, "Look, stay here or come wi' me, I'm going upstairs."

She sidesteps round her cousin and moves to the darkened recess at the other side of the room, weaving through drunken bodies and the air gets thicker and warmer. She can feel Chas  behind her, following closely, through curiosity more than anything. She pushes through to the staircase eventually, climbing the steps as quick as her heels will allow.

The dancefloor upstairs is just as busy and cramped and she stops suddenly a few steps into the entrance, Chas almost colliding into her back. "Blimey, what did you just stop for...?"

_What am I doing? What am I doing?_

"You know what, maybe we should just go," Charity shouts back to her cousin over the bass of the music but Chas has already made her way past, moving closer to the herd of people, smiling back to her and dancing vaguely in time to the beat.

"No no no, let's stay for another drink," Chas grabs one of her hands, dragging her along.

"Chas, I'm really not in the mood yeah?" She yanks her hand back, shaking her head. "Let's just get a takeaway and go back." Charity turns round to make her move to the exit without waiting for her cousin's response.

And turns straight into the face of Dr Vanessa Woodfield.

"Hiya," Vanessa smiles, her eyes lighting up and Charity's sure that for that moment, the whole room got a bit brighter. "Fancy seeing you here."

 

*

 

Vanessa feels her heart thumping as she realises Charity is heading for the exit, “Are you leaving?" 

“Not anymore I’m not,” Charity replies and Vanessa wonders whether there's a hint of nervousness in her voice; either way, Vanessa is sure that she her heart is going to beat out of her chest.

She takes a moment to, what she hopes is subtly, look at the woman in front of her; Charity looks beautiful of course. She’s in a grey suit, all blonde hair and sultry eyes and Vanessa can barely blink in case she misses any of it.

“Do you, er, do you want a drink?” Vanessa gestures to the bar eventually after it feels like they've been stood staring at each other for far longer than appropriate.

“Go on then, yeah,” Even if Vanessa hadn’t seen it happen, she would have been able to feel Charity’s gaze swoop down and she’s grateful she made an effort with her outfit for the night.

They move to the bar area, edging past a brunette woman that Vanessa doesn't recognise but who seems to know Charity , “I thought you were leaving?” The woman says to Charity with a playful smile.

"Well, I'm not now so..." 

A smirk blooms on the other woman's face, her gaze briefly flicking to Vanessa, "Hm, I wonder why...." Vanessa feels a blush creep up her neck.

“Shut up Chas,” Charity replies but Vanessa can feel the humour in her retort and Charity guides her round Chas and through the groups of dancers.

At the bar, they order their drinks and Vanessa tries to sneak a glimpse at Charity as they wait next to each other; she's all elegant angles and sex personified, and Vanessa feels unsure of why Charity is taking an interest in her. Or,  at least, Vanessa _thinks_ she is.

Their drinks arrive quicker than she anticipated and she looks down at the glass, searching for something to say to break the tension.

“Bit of a dive here innit?” Charity says after a minute.

Vanessa laughs quietly, “Yeah, a bit,” She looks back to the dance floor, “I keep thinking I’m going to see some of my students here.” She turns to the bar to pick up her drink and grumbles good naturedly, “I feel ancient compared to this lot, think I’m old enough to be their mother.”

Charity leans in against her and she can feel the warmth of Charity, through her suit, against her.  “Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't worry..." Her voice is seductive and low as she practically purrs into her ear, "I think you look fitter than all of them."

She can't help the sharp intake of breath at those words and she pulls herself a few inches away from Charity, "Do you now?" She doesn't know where her response has come from, where the urge to fight fire with fire has started.

Vanessa turns her head to see whether Charity is looking at her, whether this is all just a game. Instead she finds a look on the other woman's face that she can't quite place; it's a mixture of excitement, and nerves and something that looks like desire. Charity nods slowly in response to her previous question, "Yes, I do as it happens," There's a pause as though she's contemplating something, "Want a dance?"

Vanessa hates the music, she hates dancing, she definitely hates being relatively sober and dancing. "Yeah, go on then."

 

*

 

She isn't sure what to do now, Charity thinks as she leads them to the middle of the dancefloor. She's been all cocky and obvious, clear about her attraction to Vanessa and yet she's so desperate not to do anything wrong, to keep this as right as it feels to her in ways she hasn't experienced before. But she pushes it down, and takes Vanessa's hand to guide her; it feels just as warm and comfortable in her own as it did the first time when they'd shaken hands at the school. But she's not sure what she's doing, what any of this is supposed to mean.

She knows she absolutely wants to sleep with Vanessa and she's well aware that she's practically got a neon sign above her head that says she wants to sleep with her, yet there's nerves where they usually aren't and hesitation where there is normally confidence and artful seduction. 

Charity finds a small space within the dancing bodies and she turns to Vanessa who'd been following her, hand in hand, finally bringing them face to face, "At last, a song I know," She has to lean forward closely, has to practically press her lips against Vanessa's ears to be heard over the music. 

Vanessa returns in kind so she can reply, moving so near that Charity can feel her breath ghosting over her face, "So have you got some moves you're going to show me then?" She pulls back and there's a smirk on her face that Charity realises she finds ridiculously attractive. 

They start moving slowly to the music despite the fast beat of the song and she turns Vanessa, placing her hands on her hips, her fingers lightly scratching at the material of the bodycon dress Vanessa's wearing. Vanessa's hands move to Charity's thighs; the touch feels like a burst of electricity and Charity is sure she should be up for a sainthood for not ripping the other woman's clothes off in the middle of the nightclub. 

At some point as they begin to move together, Vanessa links her fingers with Charity's where they rest on Vanessa's waist and their bodies move ever closer; Charity's front is nestled against Vanessa's back; everywhere is pressed so perfectly against her that she's biting her lip to focus on something apart from how delicious Vanessa feels against her.

 

*

 

Tracey is standing at the bar trying to type out a text to Rhona when feels an arm wrap around her shoulder; she's ready to shrink away from it and tell whatever drunken loser it is to leave her alone when she realises it's Paddy, the Biology teacher, slightly worse for wear. 

"Have you seen Vanessa anywhere?" He asks clearly making an intense effort to ensure each word comes out as coherent.

She shrugs, "I'm just texting Rhona to find out where everyone's got to...."

Paddy takes a deep breath, clearly trying to work himself up to speak intelligibly, "I was just about to head off actually," He gestures to a brunette woman standing a few feet away, typing avidly on her phone, "She's Chas."

"Oh, get you Padster!" Tracey playfully punches him on the arm and he goes a funny shade of red. 

Tracey quickly surveys the club in front of her and she's sure she sees what looks like Rhona and Pete on the edge of the dancefloor, huddled together, Pete's arm around his girlfriend. Tracey nudges Paddy and gestures to the pair, "I'll go and let 'em know, they might want to share an Uber or somethin'...?" 

As she approaches, she can tell they're watching the dancing clubbers more intently than she would expect and as she reaches them, she touches Rhona's arm to indicate her approach and she receives a tight smile in response.

"You alright?" Tracey raises her voice to be heard, "We were all thinking about goin'...d'you know where V is?"

Pete chuckles and Rhona raises her eyebrows gesturing in the direction of the heaving group of dancers; Tracey tries to focus, tries to pick out some of the moving forms in the darkness. She sees what looks like her sister doing something very _unlike_ her sister.

"Is that my sis-?"

"Yep," Rhona replies instantly.

"Grinding with Char-?"

"Yep."

Tracey watches them but strangely feels like she's invading their privacy, despite their very public location. Vanessa's body is practically in contact with Charity from head to toe, their eyes locked in some kind of intense staring contest as their bodies move in synchronicity together, languidly rolling and gyrating against each other.

"Are they going to get a room do you think?" She finds herself saying aloud, turning back to Rhona and Pete.

"Well, your sister seems to like her a lot doesn't she?" Pete comments and Rhona practically elbows him in the ribs.

"Yes, Pete, you can stop drooling now by the way," Rhona scolds her boyfriend with a playful edge in her tone. He holds his hands up in apology and goes back to his half full glass of beer.

"Are we gonna leave her here with....her?" Tracey's heard the rumours of course; the gossip about that family, about that woman. She can't avoid it working with Pearl Ladderbanks and she highly doubts some of it is true but she can't help but worry that Vanessa is landing herself in a world of trouble.

"She's an adult Trace...." Rhona reminds her with a resigned tone, "I'll text her to let her know we're off." 

As Rhona send her a message, they can see Vanessa reaching to her bag, reading it and then tucking the phone back away.

 

*

 

"That your mates?" Charity leans in as they continue to dance, her hands resting on the other woman's waist. Vanessa's body is so close, so warm and soft and Charity wants to touch every part of it; Vanessa seems to be moving her body in every torturous way that Charity could imagine.

"Yeah," She looks up, her gaze intense and testing her resolve, "They're leaving now..." The words hang in the air.

"And you?" Charity rarely cares this much, rarely is she the one waiting for the answer.

They stop moving and the crowd carries on moving around them; Charity feels like the world has slowed down to this moment, to this woman in front of her. Vanessa edges closer, her breath teasing along Charity's cheeks as her lips hover in front of Charity's own, "I'm here with you," She answers, finally pressing their lips together. 

Charity anticipates a hesitant kiss, all awkwardness and tipsy uncertainty. But they move together like they've been practicing for years, their mouths come together messily and she loves it; she can feel the lust in Vanessa's kiss and it only serves to turn her on more. Charity wants to devour her, right here and now as Vanessa moans slightly into the kiss, her fingers digging into Charity's hips and Charity feels her body ignite further with want.

Finally, agonisingly, she pulls away; Vanessa's lips are swollen and her eyes are dark. Charity's sure she's never seen anything so fucking sexy in her life, "You want to come back to mine?"

 

*

 


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is rather longer than I anticipated so it's taken significantly longer to write. It's also a bit messy and some of it has been written rather quickly in places so I apologise for any silly mistakes.

*

Her back is up against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and she knows that they should move, that they should make the most of the bedroom that's probably only a few feet away but she can't bring herself to stop kissing Charity Dingle, even if her life depended on it.

She feels Charity's hands creep so slowly up the backs of her thighs and every movement feels like exquisite torture. Before she knows it, Charity lifts her up and Vanessa instinctively wraps her legs around the other woman's waist, without moving her lips away. They kiss hungrily and Vanessa's sure she's never been so turned on without taking her clothes off; she grinds against Charity's waist, desperate for pressure.

"You are so fucking hot," Charity whispers in her ear and it sends a shiver down her spine, her voice is so deep and full of want in a way that she's never heard from anyone before. Vanessa's hand creeps to the button on Charity's trousers, undoing it surprisingly deftly given her angle. She draws her finger lightly across the top of the underwear that peeks through and Vanessa is gratified when she feels Charity's sharp intake of breath.

"Not here," Charity manages to utter as if it pains her to stop, "I want you in my bed," Her eyes are dark and her hair is messy and Vanessa is sure that Charity Dingle, like this, is sex incarnate. Charity puts her down slowly and leads her to the stairs, walking up backwards, never breaking eye contact with her.

They enter Charity's bedroom and Vanessa suddenly feels a wave of nerves rush over her; she wants this to be good, she wants it to be as _good_ as she imagines so that maybe, just maybe, this won't be the last she sees of Charity Dingle.

Charity obviously senses her change of mood, "You okay babe?" The affectionate moniker makes Vanessa smile to herself but she chastises herself immediately; _don't go getting ahead of yourself Woodfield_.

She nods enthusiastically, moving her hand to the back of Charity's head, pulling her into another searing kiss as they move effortlessly to the bed. Vanessa sinks down onto the mattress and Charity practically climbs on top of her, her knees on the outside of Vanessa's thighs.

She kisses her again and Vanessa is desperate to maintain contact but Charity grins cheekily at her, sliding further down her body to her thighs where the hem of her dress sits and Charity begins, lifting her dress further up her body, inch by inch, and Vanessa is on fire with anticipation. Her dress is peeled off her with such agonising slowness that Vanessa is about ready to rip the dress herself. Charity kisses each part of her skin that is revealed to her and before she realises, Vanessa's clad only in her black lace bra and thong.

Charity looks down at her, taking her in from top to bottom and then licks her lips and Vanessa is pretty sure she's died and gone to heaven.

Charity's fingers go to her underwear but Vanessa resists, looking up to the woman straddling her, "Think you're wearing a bit too much, don't you?"

"Oh yeah?" Charity questions her with a quirk of her eyebrow and a smirk on her face, "And what are you gonna do about that then eh?" There's a challenge in her voice and Vanessa can't help but rise to it.

She leans up to a sitting position, Charity snug on her lap and she slowly begins to undo the buttons on her shirt, brushing her hands against Charity's bra; she dares to sneak a glance at her and feels a sense of satisfaction at the intense expression on Charity's face.

With great effort, Vanessa continues her torturous pace and finally takes Charity's shirt from her shoulders and starts work on her bra; a clearly impatient Charity takes over with a smirk, wordlessly reaching behind her to undo the clasp before she shrugs off the straps and throws the lingerie to the floor. Vanessa is probably staring (she's _knows_ she's staring) but she also knows she's not seen anything like this before and she tries to take some mental image of this moment; a topless Charity in front of her, sat on her lap, her blonde waved hair mussed, lips swollen; her eyes are dark and Vanessa's mouth goes dry in anticipation at the gaze Charity is giving her, like she wants to devour her.

She's gently pushed back down on the bed after Charity rises from her lap and she begins to kiss her way down her throat and her lips are like lava; she can feel every part of Charity that's pressed against her. Her hands instinctively reach for Charity's hair as she groans when Charity reaches her nipples, licking and sucking and biting ever so slightly, and Vanessa knows it has never _ever_ been like this.

She can feel the feather light touch of Charity's hand dance down her torso as Charity continues down her body to kiss her stomach, and then all the way back to her lips. Her fingers brush on the lace of her thong as she does so and Vanessa's close to screaming.

Ever so slowly, Charity's hand moves under her thong and sweeps over her core; she knows the evidence of her arousal is obvious and Charity groans as she feels the warm heat there.

"All for you," Vanessa whispers in the dark that makes her bold, makes her try to be the type of person that Charity Dingle might want.

"Jesus...." Charity sighs as her head falls onto Vanessa's shoulder and she knows she's said the right thing, to show Charity just how much she wants her.

The words clearly spur Charity on because she starts to move with purpose, she starts to dip and curl and move and her fingers leave Vanessa trembling in their wake.

Vanessa's never been particularly vocal in bed but she can't help the groans that emanate from her lips and Charity touches her as though this is a practiced routine, as if she knows everywhere to press and stroke and thrust and the pace leaves Vanessa's body shaking. Charity kisses her messily as she comes, all tongues and passion and it's so perfect that it doesn't seem real.

Charity grins at her with a smug smile and a raise of her eyebrows, "That alright?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes affectionately, "I think you know that was well alright,"

Charity shrugs as she cuddles up against her side and Vanessa tries to ignore her right it feels with their bodies intertwined, "Yeah, true, all the groans and ‘don’t stop, don’t stop’ was a good indication."

Vanessa gives her a playful shove in return, "Oi you," She laughs lightly, "But yeah, it was pretty good I have to say."

"Pretty good, that it?" Charity asks in mock offence and then pinches her waist playfully.

"Fine," Vanessa sighs over-dramatically and turns her face so she can look at Charity who seems to be watching her intently, "It was amazing."

There's a smug smile on her face, "Knew it," Charity kisses her temple briefly and even such a simple gesture makes Vanessa's heart bit that bit faster, "I'm a woman of many talents, me."

Vanessa rolls onto her side, her fingers lightly dancing over Charity's torso, down and down, and her breath hitches in her throat, "Well then, how about I show you some of mine?"

*

Vanessa's tongue seems to be everywhere and nowhere; the pressure teases her, her fingers wound in the bed sheets and her body is aching for release. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest, her body feels taut and beautifully tense and Charity knows that this is better than she could have ever imagined.

She dares to open her eyes, to look down and she sees the top of Vanessa's head between her legs and she almost comes from that alone. Vanessa seems to instinctively know because she opens her eyes and looks up, their gazes meet and Charity's sure that she has never seen anything as sexy.

Vanessa maintains eye contact as she slips her tongue further down, swirling and tasting and licking and Charity feels it right then; her orgasm hits her like a blow to the chest and she can hardly catch her breath; she pants and her back arches off the bed, warmth flooding between her legs. She struggles to think anything as she feels Vanessa crawl up her body, kissing her hips, her waist, her breasts as she moves to rest next to her.

Vanessa’s watching her, propped on her elbow but Charity can hardly make a sound, can hardly move her limbs to do much of anything.

"Good?"

Charity slowly turns to face her, a sly grin on her face, "I've never come harder."

She watches in satisfaction as Vanessa bites her lip, clearly aroused by the affirmation and there's a sigh that emanates from her that spurs Charity back into action, spent limbs forgotten as she slowly rolls Vanessa onto her back, moving to straddle her. "So let me show you what I can do with _my_ tongue eh?"

*

When Vanessa wakes up, there's a steady stream of light shining through unfamiliar curtains and an unfamiliar but not unwelcome arm around her waist.

She feels a pleasant ache between her thighs, her body relaxed and satisfied but she can also feel a headache murmuring close by as she opens her eyes further to take in her surroundings.

She stays still, Charity's arm holding her in place; from her place in the bed, she tries to take the opportunity to be more curious about the woman she's spent the night with. Her gaze flits over the room as if she's about to be caught; there's a photo on the dresser and she can just make out the figures; there's Noah and Charity, along with a little boy about Johnny's age, she guesses, and a woman in her mid-twenties that looks so much like Charity that she's almost sure that it must be her daughter, despite the age. The rest of the room looks remarkably normal; she's not quite sure what she was expecting, but it's comforting, the normality of it. She can just catch the reflection of the sheets in the long mirror opposite the bed; there's the image of her legs tangled with Charity's that sends a shiver of want down her spine.

"I know you're awake," A slightly croaky voice comes from behind her and she almost jumps in response, "Had a good look have you?" There's humour in the tone, or at least Vanessa thinks so, so she turns round in Charity's arms.

Vanessa's toes curl with desire as they come face to face; Charity's even more beautiful than she was last night as she came undone beneath her. "Yep," Vanessa responds with equal humour, "Had to do something after you woke me up with your snoring didn't I?"

"Oi!" Charity pinches her playfully at her waist, "I do not snore thank you very much."

"Hmm," Vanessa rolls her eyes with a smile, "Well, someone was and unless there was a third person in the room that you didn't tell me about, then I think it was you."

Charity grumbles under her breath but snuggles closer to her, kissing her forehead, "Nope, it was definitely just us in the room last night," Charity's hand skates over her rib cage, the underside of her breast and Vanessa's breath catches in her chest, "Do you want me to give you a little reminder?"

Vanessa can feel her hand inching its way down her torso, dancing gently over her skin and her body feels like it's just been set ablaze; she tenses with need as Charity's hand moves between her thighs, her fingers teasing and pressing, "Yes...." She finally manages to choke out as Charity moves with more urgency, "Oh god, please Charity....."

*

She finds herself telling Vanessa about her kids; she tells her about Debbie and Noah and Moses, the things that matter to her that she usually tries to keep hidden.

They're curled up in the duvet; their bodies pressed together, sleepy from sex and Charity has the strangest urge to talk. She wants to make Vanessa laugh with stories about the regulars in the pub and the imaginative ways she tries to avoid any actual work.

And what's even stranger is that she wants to hear Vanessa talk; her heart skips as Vanessa's face lights up when she mentions her son and they trade anecdotes about the odd habits of their toddlers. Vanessa tells her about her job, the quirky owners and the even quirkier named animals.

It's not been like this, Charity thinks and her stomach clenches at the thought, it's _never_ been like this before; she's never laid in bed with anyone and just wanted to listen to them talk, to hear their voice and to watch the expressions play out on their face.

Charity feels so oddly relaxed that she doesn't realise she's been dozing in and out until she feels Vanessa start to move, "Eh?" She mumbles, "What you doin'?"

Vanessa smiles regretfully, "My Uber will be here in about five minutes," Charity must look confused as she continues, "It's getting late and I've got to get back to mine for when my dad drops Johnny off."

"Oh," Charity tries not to sounds as disappointed as she feels; her hand runs down Vanessa's thigh, hoping to use actions rather than words to persuade her to stay a bit longer. It seems to work as Vanessa squirms underneath her touch,

"Oh, don't...." But Vanessa moves towards her, their lips meeting and Charity thinks her plan might be working until Vanessa pulls away suddenly.

"What was that?" Her eyes are wide, looking towards the door hesitantly.

"Didn't hear anything..." Charity murmurs, recapturing her lips until she hears a definite thump outside the room. This time, she pulls away and they look at each other. They fall silent and Charity strains to try to hear who's outside.

"Mum?" Noah's muffled voice comes down the hallway and Charity leaps from the bed, Vanessa scrabbling to cover herself with the duvet. Charity grabs her dressing gown from the door, turning round to put a finger to her lips; Vanessa rolls her eyes with exasperation and Charity realises that it's not just her that doesn't want to be caught in a comprising situation.

She composes herself quickly before she partly opens the door to find Noah standing in the doorway to his room, various items of clothing in his hands.

"You alright babe?" Her voice is overly cheery and Noah frowns in response.

"Is someone here?" He narrows his eyes at her and she smiles brightly, tampering it down when her over enthusiasm seems to make his suspicious glare more intense.

"Course not, just had the radio on didn't I?" Charity tries what she thinks is a reassuring tone and then realises that there's no sound coming from her room now, "Had to turn it off, too much wittering on about nothing."

"Oh right," Noah seems somewhat appeased and Charity breathes a sigh of relief to herself.

"Thought our Sammy was taking you to football?"

"Forgot my shirt...." He turns to chuck the items in his hand to the floor of his bedroom, "You know where it is?"

"Er, cupboard in the kitchen," She moves out of her room carefully and closes the door, ushering him downstairs, "Washed it Tuesday after you decided that you'd roll around in the mud like one of our Uncle Zak's pigs."

Noah seems to be more relaxed as he nudges her playfully, "I got tackled mum, I wasn't rolling around."

"Right, well, try not to get tackled again eh?" She rifles through the washing and hands him his shirt, "That shirt was a flippin' state." He smiles at her and there's that cheekiness again, her funny, mischievous little boy. "Go on, you better get off, Sammy'll be waiting,"

Noah shakes his head, "Nah, he had to get off, so I'll get the bus."

"Don't be silly babe, I'll take you. Let me just grab some clothes."

She's about to turn to go up the stairs when the sound of Noah's voice stops her, "It's been nice hasn't it?" He sounds small and quiet and so unlike the moody teenager she's come to know now, "Being just us two and Moses?"

Her eyes dart to the floor almost guiltily; she knows he's referring to the most recent crash and burn of yet another of her brief relationships, where she promises and promises and says it will be different this time, until it isn't. And it's bitter recriminations and anger and everything that she knows Noah shouldn’t have to experience.

"It's been nice just being us three," He says again, “Not being some bloke around ruining it,”

She nods, trying not to think of the woman she left upstairs, someone she thinks _is_ different, that she can be different _for_.

Her heart sinks as she speaks; she’s done so much and regrets so much of it all, what she’s put him through, "Yeah, it is babe, it is." She moves to hug him and it’s clearly unexpected to Noah but nevertheless, he wraps his arms around her anyway, “I’m sorry for it all, for everything” She tells him, her voice muffled in the embrace, “I will never hurt you again, I promise.”

Noah looks at her like he actually believes her and she knows what she need to do now.

She leaves to get something to wear, taking the stairs two at a time and carefully moving into her room to find a wide eyed Vanessa hiding behind the door.

"Thought you might have been Noah," She says by way of explanation and as she moves out from her position, Charity can see that she's fully dressed, leather jacket hung over her shoulders and bag in her hand.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Charity starts and gives her a tight smile, "He was supposed to be with my cousin but something cropped up so I've gotta give him a lift to football."

Vanessa smiles brightly in response and it makes Charity's stomach twist at the sight of it, this beautiful woman stood in front of her who's beaming at her like she's worth something; except she's not - she's not good enough, not good enough for anyone and certainly not for Vanessa. And all she's going to do is create pain and sadness for Vanessa and the same for her children. She is who she is and it always ends the same, everyone struggling to make it out of the fire she causes.

Vanessa steps closer to her and Charity feels a knot forming in her throat as her hand comes to stroke her hair, "Well, I've got to be off in a bit, my Uber will be here in a few minutes...." She leans in to kiss Charity, who backs away slightly; she sees the confusion and panic that flit over Vanessa’s features, "Did you not want to do this again?" Vanessa's got disappointment in her eyes and it hurts to see it; it hurts more than she expected.

"Maybe yeah," She masters an unaffected tone and starts grabbing clothes from her dresser; she can feel Vanessa hovering behind her, uncertain of what's happening and why, “Look, this was probably just better as a one off, yeah?”

"Oh right," Vanessa says eventually and Charity pulls on her clothes, avoiding her gaze.

“Best we just don’t see each other again,” She yanks the hoodie over her head, grateful for the momentary interruption from seeing the saddened look on Vanessa’s face, “All a bit complicated innit, you and me? Easier if we just leave it here.”

“Yeah, no, of course,” Charity can tell Vanessa’s trying to play it cool, trying to be _okay_ and casual like she thinks she needs to be, “Definitely.”

"You can, er, let yourself out," Charity says as she reaches for the door handle; she makes the mistake of turning to look at Vanessa and there's a glassy eyed expression on her face which almost makes her change her mind.

 _It's better,_ she reminds herself as she opens the door, _it's better for everyone_.

Charity doesn't look back again.

*

"You alright Ness?" Rhona's voice breaks into her consciousness and Vanessa looks up from her desk, managing a tight smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." The lie doesn't even sound convincing to her and clearly not to Rhona who grabs a lab stool and drags it over to where Vanessa is staring at her laptop, trying to motivate herself to create next week’s lesson plans before her Year Ten class arrive, "Honestly Rhona, I'm fine."

"That would be more believable if your face didn't look like someone had told you your puppy had died," She can't even manage a smile this time and Rhona's got That Look on her face, where she just won't let go of something. There's a beat of silence that falls of them before Rhona edges slightly closer, "This isn't to do with Charity Dingle is it?"

"What? No!" Vanessa's impressed with her response, attempting to sound as indignant as she can manage.

"It's just that you two were pretty up close and personal at the club at the weekend...." Rhona says gently, as if Vanessa's going to break.

"We just danced together, that's all," She responds with a roll of her eyes. _And we fucked each other and then she chucked me out_ , Vanessa adds mentally with an angry feeling bubbling inside of her; she feels slightly sick at how casual it seemed to be for Charity, when it had seemed anything but at the time, "Nothing to get excited about."

"Hmm," Rhona doesn't seem satisfied with her reply and Vanessa sighs with exasperation; her class is due any minute and she's done absolutely zero work in her free period because she’d been staring at a blank screen, thinking about Charity and now all Rhona wants to do is _talk_ about her too.

"Look, yes, I think she's attractive, no, I didn't sleep with her, no, I'm not thinking about her and yes, I'm bored of you keep bringing it up." Rhona holds her hands up in surrender just as her Year Ten class burst through the door and a cacophony of adolescent voices filter through.

Vanessa gets up from her desk to wrangle the class, "Okay, can you all sit down and get out your homework....and no, I will not be accepting any excuses before you ask Callum ...." She flashes a smile at one of her more reluctant students who gives her an overdramatic sigh in response and the class groans back at her.

Rhona starts to move away, returning the stool so a hovering student waiting for a seat can sit down and practically bumps into Noah Dingle as he enters the laboratory, "Sorry Noah, didn't see you there,"

"Its fine....alright miss?" He looks over Rhona's shoulder where Vanessa is standing; she feels faintly nauseous at seeing him, thinking about what she was doing with his mum and what she _almost_ got caught by him doing with his mum.

"Hi Noah," Vanessa greets him with a short smile, "You done your homework? I'm just about to collect it..."

He smiles cheekily at her and he looks so like his mum that her breath hitches in her chest, "Course," Noah rolls his eyes at her, "Mum didn't let up until I'd done it."

The mention of Charity has her pulse quickening and she can feel Rhona's eyes on her, full of curiosity, "Oh didn’t she?" Vanessa steels herself, trying to retain composure before she chastises herself; since when did the mention of one woman make her feel like _this_. "She okay?"

Noah doesn't seem to react to her asking about his mum and nods casually, his eyes casting round the room and she guesses he's probably looking for his mates to sit with, "Yeah, she's alright,"

"It's just I saw her at the weekend," Vanessa says the words before she can stop herself but Noah doesn't seem to react; Rhona, however, utters a small cough and Vanessa can practically read her thoughts; about how inappropriate it is, how she needs to stop herself before this goes catastrophically wrong.

"Oh right?" He's rifling through his bag now, obviously looking for his homework.

"Yeah," She continues whilst a tiny but loud part of her brain is just telling her to be quiet and stop talking, "We, er, we had a little chat...." She tails off, unsure of what exact information she's trying to get out of Noah; some comment, some indication that Charity isn’t okay and she's thinking about her as much as she's thinking about Charity, “It was nice to see her.”

Noah looks up at her, homework in hand with a slightly bemused expression, “Right,” He hands her the homework and darts to his friends in the class, dragging a stool over, their conversation quickly forgotten.

“Don’t say a word,” She mutters under her breath in Rhona’s direction and sighs to herself, watching as the chaos of her class get settled. Rhona, mercifully, leaves without any further discussion and Vanessa grabs her lesson plan, plastering a smile on her face as she addresses her students.

“Right Year Tens, who can tell me what the aorta does in the heart?”

*

“Can you at least pretend like you’re doing some work?”

“Sorry?” Charity shakes her head to bring her back to the room; her pen is still in her hand but the crossword remains unfinished with only doodles littering the edge of the newspaper, “Did you say summat?”

Chas rolls her eyes, “I did say that you could at least pretend to do some work but I think at this rate, just pretending that you’re the real Charity Dingle would be a start.”

Charity’s eyebrows knit in confusion, “You what?”

“Well, you’ve barely insulted anyone all day and there have been absolutely no inappropriate innuendos, you sure you’re feeling alright?” Chas jokingly puts her hand to Charity’s forehead and she brushes her off with an irritated scowl.

“Yes, I’m just _fine_ thank you,” She grits her teeth and shoves the newspaper under the bar for later, “Just got some stuff going on, that’s all.”

“Like?”

“Like, keep your nose out of it, it’s none of your business?” Charity offers sarcastically.

“Is this about me and Paddy? I’ve told you we’ll keep it down,”

Charity visibly shudders, “Well, no, it’s not about that but yes, that would be _greatly_ appreciated,”

She’s about to clear some tables just to escape Chas’ questioning when Noah trundles in next to her.

“Alright kid?” She grabs him for kiss on the side of his head and he squirms away from her, muttering to himself about embarrassing mums, “How was school?”

He shrugs, dropping his backpack on the floor and hunching over the bar, “Was alright, ‘spose,”

“Did you maybe, oh I don’t know, _learn_ something?”

“Can I have some crisps?”

Charity throws her hands up in exasperation, “Oh, well this has been a lovely conversation with my eldest son hasn’t it?”

He grins at her as he slides through the hatch and starts rifling through the box of crisps.

“Biology was okay, Dr Woodfield said we could dissect a heart next week,” Noah adds out of nowhere as he opens a packet and grabs a can of fizzy drink, “Going to be so gross, can’t wait.” Charity stiffens at the mention of the blonde teacher, “She said you saw her at the weekend, out in town.”

Charity’s eyes widen and her heart thumps harder in her chest, it beats so hard she’s convinced that her son can tell, that he knows _everything_ , “Mmm, yeah, I did,” Her response is noncommittal and she tries to sound blasé and unaffected but Chas has stopped wiping the bar and is clearly eavesdropping on their conversation so she’s supposes she’s not playing it quite as cool as she’d thought.

“Did you say summat to her?” He narrows his eyes at her, “She seemed, I dunno, _weird_ ,”

“No, babe, no I didn’t upset her, honest,” She’s not lying, she tells herself, not really; they’d had a pretty bloody amazing time, if not the _best_ , until she’d unceremoniously told Vanessa she never wanted to see her again. She cringes inwardly at the memory and hates herself all over again.

Noah makes his excuses and lumbers upstairs, crisps and drink in hand and Charity’s left standing in the bar, yet again thinking about one blonde teacher who, since the weekend, seems to have taken up permanent residence in her brain.

She’s vaguely aware of Chas sidling up next to her, “So…..” Chas starts and she knows she is for another round of endless questions, “Your foul mood wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a teacher that you clearly fancy the pants off, would it?”

“No,” Charity responds moodily and instantly regrets it as Chas clearly smells blood in the water.

“Ah, okay, so it definitely _is_ then,” Chas nudges her with her hip, “Turn ya down did she?”

“You what?”

“It’s okay Charity, not every man and woman is going to succumb to your charms,” Chas drawls with a grin on her face before she pauses, “Whatever they might be,”

Charity inhales deeply, turning to face her cousin with a glare, “Like I said, it’s none of your business is it?”

“You like her though?” Chas asks and it feels like a relief when she can respond honestly and truthfully, no hiding or pretending or pushing feelings down and away so she can act like they don’t exist.

“Yeah,” She replies quietly and it feels like a weigh off her chest, “I really do.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

 _I don’t even know where to start,_ she thinks.

Chas is looking at her expectantly, “Oh, I don’t know babe, how about everything?” She pauses, holding her hand up and starts counting on her fingers, “One, my kids are the victims of every bloody tragic relationship I’ve ever had and I can’t put ‘em through that again… Two, she’s so actually perfect that she’d bin me off as soon as she knows what I’m really like,” She pauses for breath, “Three, she’s a teacher at my son’s school, how inappropriate is that eh? Four, she’s a woman and Noah definitely doesn’t know about _that_ …..” She trails off with a sigh.

“And five?”

“Huh?”

Chas gestures at her last finger, “Is there another ridiculous reason you’re going to give?”

She looks down at the floor regretfully, lowering her voice, “I _may_ have slept with her and then told her it was a one off and we shouldn’t see each other again.”

“You did _what_?” Chas’ voice raises a few decibels and Charity shushes her, warily looking at the punters in the pub who, thankfully, don’t seem to have noticed and are more interested in their post-work pints, “You did _what_?” Chas repeats, this time with a whisper.

“In my defence…”

“Oh give over, there is no defence, you absolute wally,” Chas shakes her head ruefully, “What are you like eh?”

Before she realises it, there’s an arm wrapped round her shoulder and whilst she’s not one for shows of affection, Charity accepts it gratefully; it’s an absolute mess and like always, it’s of her own doing. There’s an amazing, funny, drop dead gorgeous woman that she really likes and who seems to really like her back; so, instead of doing the normal thing, she decides to ruin it all and then mope around for days afterwards, “A bloody idiot?”

“So….” Chas prods her after a moment, “what are you going to do about it then, mm?”

*

The school is, at last, quiet.

The last of her students have left the lab after the study group and she’s grateful to have some time alone; she reels off a quick text to Tracy to thank her for collecting Johnny and letting her know she won’t be late home.

She’s at her desk, papers littering the worktop and there’s a to-do list that spans several pages; she sighs inwardly, trying to gather what little motivation she has when there’s a hesitant knock on the lab door.

She spies a textbook left on one of the lab benches and rolls her eyes, grabbing it as she passes. “I’m sure all you lot would forget your heads if they weren’t screwed on,” She mutters to herself, opening the door to find Charity Dingle standing in front of her, a small, hesitant smile on her face.

“Hi.”

Vanessa’s pretty sure she’s got her mouth open and she’s struggling to put two coherent words together.

“You alright?” Charity asks her having received no response.

Vanessa eyes her nervously, “Er, yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” She pauses for a brief moment, “If you’re looking for Noah, he isn’t here, he left a few hours ago.”

Charity shifts nervously from one foot to other, “Oh, I know….” She inhales deeply, “I, er, I wanted to see you.”

Vanessa grits her teeth; the gall of her, coming to _her_ workplace, looking as good as _that_ , after what she’d said and done at the weekend, acting like it’s nothing and that she’s so unaffected and above it all, “Hold on, think _you_ were the one who never wanted to see me again….” She backs away from the threshold of the lab, moving further into the room but she leaves the door open, a small part of her hoping that Charity will follow and she’s suitably surprised when she does.

"Yeah, about that….” Charity is a few steps behind before they are stood at her desk and Vanessa turns with a look on her face that she hopes screams something other than, _god, I want you_. “I’m sorry, for what I said,” She pauses and Vanessa’s suitably pleased to see that Charity Dingle actually looks ne _r_ vous, “It was wrong and cruel,” She pauses again and it looks like she’s gathering herself to say something, “And it was a lie.”

Her mind is buzzing with what Charity could mean but she’s learnt not to have expectations where this woman is concerned; in one moment, she exceeds everything she could hope for and the next, she’s left wondering what she’s done wrong, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Charity inhales deeply, “I like you,” She takes a hesitant step forward and Vanessa has to resist the urge to touch her, to feel her underneath her fingers, “I like you a lot. And I _do_ want to see you again.”

“So what was all that before? A little game for you?” Vanessa tries to push down the excitement she feels at Charity’s words ( _I like you, I like you a lot_ ) They run through her brain on repeat and she can barely concentrate.

“No, course not, I just…” Charity looks pained at the suggestion that she’s been playing mind games, “I’m scared Vanessa.”

And there it is.

Vanessa’s resolve crumbles and before she realises it, she’s in front of Charity; she’s rubbing her arm, touching her hair, desperate for contact and it feels so absolutely _right_. “I’m scared because I mess everything up,” Charity sighs and it sounds teary and emotional and Vanessa just wants to hold her, “And I mean _everything_. And Noah’s been the casualty of my disastrous dating history too many times and I didn’t want to…..” Charity waits a moment as if to compose herself, “I can’t do that to him again and I can’t do it to you,”

Vanessa touches her chin, lifting it up and forcing Charity to meet her eyes; she can see tears welling and she wants to kiss her until they stop, “So, what? You want to see me but you won’t because you’re afraid of it going wrong?”

“Pretty much,” Charity’s looking from her eyes to her lips and back again, and Vanessa knows, she absolutely _knows_ that Charity wants to kiss her but Vanessa resists the urge to let her; they can’t just make out like teenagers to avoid this conversation, “I want to see you, I want to see where this goes but…”

“But?” Vanessa prompts after a beat of silence.

“I want to keep it between us, just for a bit,” She adds hurriedly, “Just so we can see where this is going, without the pressure, y’know?”

“I know,” Vanessa agrees and she does; as soon as everyone finds out about her relationships, there’s expectations and near constant requests for updates from Tracy and her dad and her friends and then it’s comments about wedding bells and who is she going to have as a bridesmaid; it’s tiring and she loves her life but she wants something for _her, just her_.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not exactly perfect, but...” Vanessa shrugs, “what is?”

“I understand if it’s too much, that I’m asking too much of you to keep this all a secret for a bit,”

“I want to see you,” Vanessa interrupts gently, her hand moves to caress Charity’s cheek; her eyes close at the touch and Charity leans into her palm; Vanessa’s feels her heart melt that little bit more, “So I guess I’ll take whatever you can give.”

Her eyes open slowly in understanding, “Really?”

“Really.” Charity laughs, an honest and real laugh before kissing her lightly, “Thank you, for, y’know giving me another chance,” Charity’s hand runs down her arm and meets her own, intertwining their fingers together, “I’m sorry I messed it up before, for doing the wrong thing and you know, being too ‘me’….”

“Don’t stop being you,” Vanessa smiles, taking the opportunity to kiss her again; this time it’s longer and slower and she feels so absolutely relieved that she’s allowed this again, “I happen to quite like you as it happens,”

“Oh yeah?” Charity smirks, backing up to sit on the desk and moving Vanessa to stand between her legs.

“Yeah,” Vanessa grins back, meeting her lips, “I think I should show you just how much,” She adds, her hands trailing up Charity’s thighs and she can feel Charity tense underneath her and she’s gratified at the response. She knows it’s probably not the best idea to do this at the school but she can't help the grasping and touching and wanting; she needs Charity with an intensity that takes her breath away, in a way she's sure she's never wanted anyone before. And all she knows right now, is that Charity Dingle wants her back.

And then when Charity’s hands go to her bum, pulling her closer, she loses all of her senses and kisses her with everything she has.

So Vanessa doesn’t notice the figure of Noah, standing at the doorway of the laboratory, watching momentarily through the glass of the door before he turns away, minus a textbook.

*


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing and re-writing this so many times that I'm now fed up of looking at it. So, here it is.

*

He doesn’t say anything when she gets home.

He’d fully intended to as he stormed past Chas, ignoring her concerned face as he barged through, dismissing her attempt at asking him what was wrong and he had thrown his bag on the floor, slumped onto the sofa and imagined a thousand different ways he would confront her; ask her what she was playing at, why she was lying _again_ , why she lied all the time, why she was ruining _everything_ as always.

Except, when she breezes in an hour or so later, she’s smiling.

There’s an honest, genuine smile on her face and he knows because her eyes are bright and happy and he doesn’t see that very often, not really. Not like he knows he should.

She’s all smiles and chatter, buzzing around the living room, sorting out Moses’ toys scattered around from that morning before she sits down next to him on the couch; her arm suddenly circles his shoulders, giving him a quick half hug. He resists; there’s something bubbling inside him that he can’t quite name.

“You alright kid?” She sounds almost giddy but he can’t detect the tell-tale smell of any alcohol on her, “School okay?”

“Yeah, guess so,” She tries to meet his eyes but he won’t look at her, he _won’t_.

“I’ve gone and had a hell of a day,” She carries on anyway, slouching against the arm of the sofa “I feel like I’ve been round half of flippin’ Yorkshire, there was only a mess up at the suppliers and I’ve been like a headless chicken all morning tryin’ to get it sorted,”

“Right,” He says eventually, scooting away from her to turn on his games console. She stays sitting next to him, watching him; part of him wants her to say something, the other part is praying she doesn’t.

“Give us a go then,” She nods to the spare controller, sat by the sofa for when his friends come over.

“What, _you_ wanna play?” He looks at her dubiously, his annoyance momentarily forgotten as she playfully nods back at him, eyes wide.

“Afraid I’m gonna thrash you?”

He laughs as she grabs the controller from him, sitting back into the cushions, crossing her legs, “I’d be surprised if you know how to even turn it on,” He jokes with a grin as he sets up the game, pressing some buttons for her and handing it back.

The game pops up on the screen and he’s about to start when Sarah and Jack come barreling through the door, followed by a harassed Debbie.

“What are you two doin’?” Debbie gestures at them as she dumps the bags and coats from under her arm onto the floor before telling Sarah and Jack to sit down nicely, “Playing a video game mum?”

“Nothing gets past you does it babe?” She winks at Noah like she’s a little kid and he can’t help but return it; he likes it when she’s like this, like they’re a little gang of two and he’s in on the joke.

“Can I have a go?” Jack starts to pout from the other sofa and Noah hands him his controller.

“You can use mine,” Noah gets up from the sofa, leaning towards his mum, “At least you _might_ be able to beat a four year old,”

“Oi you cheeky get,” She laughs and it sounds real, and she swipes him on the arm when he moves past, towards where Debbie is filling the kettle in the kitchen.

“Alright?” Debbie greets him, before gesturing to their mum on the sofa, in between Sarah who’s giving her help with the game and Jack who is clambering all over her to stop her winning, “She seems in a particularly good mood,”

Noah feels a surge of something but he’s not quite sure what it is; it doesn’t feel like anger or even annoyance or anything close like what he thought it would be after he’d spent the bus ride home seething at her. He’s watching his mum with a curious gaze; there’s raucous laughter coming so freely from her as she chatters with the kids and she’s never _ever_ like this, not properly, not like she means it. She seems a bit freer, more relaxed, as if not every weight of the world is bearing down on her and he can’t help but think to Miss Woodfield, all yellow and sunshine and brightness, “Yeah, she does.”

“And?” Debbie prompts him, pouring out the hot water into some mugs, stirring the tea bags as she watches him for an answer.

“And what?” Noah replies, grabbing a biscuit from the tin on the sideboard.

“And do you know _why_ she’s in such a good mood?” Debbie frowns for a moment, “She’s not got another bloke has she?”

Noah pauses and he can hear his mum’s voice, loud and clear and happy and he thinks of his mum’s recent relationships; where as soon as she meets some guy, she pulls away and becomes darker and withdrawn, where in the same circumstances, she would have been with an unnamed _Him_ right now. And instead, she’s _here_ , with them, laughing and joking, leaning _into_ her family rather than away, moving closer to her kids rather than towards someone else, “No, don’t think so,” He replies at last and ignores the look on Debbie’s face, like she knows that he knows more than he’s letting on.

There’s a little part of him that wonders that maybe this time it’s different, and maybe Miss Woodfield is different too.

*

“We are not watching this,” Charity shakes her head as she slides onto the sofa next to Vanessa, settling down into her arms with the popcorn on her lap, “No flippin’ way,”

“Oh come on, you know I like it,” Charity can’t see her face but she knows Vanessa’s pouting, “Go on, can we watch it… _please_?” The arm around Charity’s shoulder tightens and there’s a kiss on her forehead and she knows she’s already lost.

“Fine,” Charity grumbles playfully, tucking her legs underneath her and resting her head on Vanessa’s chest, “Why they call them talent shows I don’t know, it seems they’ve got anything but talent,”

“Oh ha ha you,” Vanessa says, turning the volume up and Charity relaxes into Vanessa’s solid embrace around her. They’re snuggled up in Vanessa’s empty flat, Johnny asleep (after several stories from them both) and she realises that she’s been waiting all week for just _this_ moment; this time where it’s just _them_ together and she feels so relaxed and safe, “You ol’ grump eh?”

There’s humour in Vanessa’s tone and it warms her, this casual familiarity, “I am where this excuse for entertainment’s concerned,” But she still snuggles closer into Vanessa’s side, the blanket cosy around her body and she munches on some popcorn before closing her eyes; she feels Vanessa laugh at the various acts that some executive thinks are Saturday night prime time television worthy and she can’t believe that it’s only been two months that she’s known this woman who makes her feel more alive than she’s felt before. She settles down in her arms, her eyes drifting closed to the even, reassuring pace of Vanessa's breathing.

Sometime later, she feels Vanessa shift and it wakes her from her dozing; she hears the commercials on the television and she moves slightly, “Alright babe?”

“Yeah, just wondered if you wanted to go to bed, you seem tired,” Vanessa gives her a little smile, before adding hurriedly, “That is if you’re staying obviously,”

“Course I’m stayin’,” She leans up for a brief kiss, “Noah’s at a mate’s and Moses is with Zak and Lisa, so yes, I am _definitely_ making the most of the opportunity to stay over,”

There's an uncomfortable pause that Charity doesn't like the feel of before Vanessa responds, “Where do they think you are?” Vanessa asks, her expression darkening and Charity feels her stomach clench.

“Does it matter?”

Vanessa meets her gaze and there’s a tight smile on her lips, “I suppose not,”

She settles back into the sofa but she can feel Vanessa’s body is tense. “I’m here with you, isn’t that the important thing?” She’s moved back to her previous position, snuggled against Vanessa’s side but there’s an air of strain between them, and she struggles with the next words, “You do still want this don’t you?”

She doesn’t want to look up and see Vanessa’s eyes; she can't bear to see potential rejection but she also can't bear to see the alternative; the painful acceptance of their situation, the knowledge that she’s causing Vanessa emotional pain just because she wants to be selfish and keep _this_ , whatever it is, between them.

“Of course I do,” Vanessa’s voice is barely above a whisper, “You know I do,” Vanessa slides out from her position on the sofa and Charity leans back into the sofa cushions, relief flooding through her at the emphatic response. Vanessa slowly moves to sit on Charity’s lap, straddling her with a lazy smile, “Sometimes it’s difficult that’s all,” Charity hates the sigh that she hears from Vanessa as she continues, “I don’t like hiding,”

“I’m sorry babe,” Charity looks up at Vanessa who’s slightly above her due to her position on her lap, “It won’t be forever,” The word _forever_ slips out without her realising and she carries on, hoping Vanessa hasn't noticed, “It’s kind of fun though, isn’t it? You know, sneaking around?”

Her hands start to caress Vanessa’s thighs, travelling up to her hips and pulling her down against her; she reaches up to her lips and they kiss hungrily, Vanessa grinding down on her lap and their bodies are pressed together and Charity marvels at how much she wants Vanessa, all the time, in a way that she hasn’t with anyone before; it’s like there is a need to for her, _always_ , and not just for her own gratification but to make Vanessa feel good, to make her feel so amazing that she forgets Charity’s imperfections and flaws. So that she stays.

Charity’s lost herself in their kiss, her fingers tangled in Vanessa’s hair and she’s pulling her closer and closer and she’s debating whether they can make it to the bedroom or not when Vanessa pulls away suddenly.

“Did I tell you about Rhona?”

“You what?” Charity scoffs unbelievably, “You stopped doing _that_ to talk about your best mate?”

Vanessa rolls her eyes jokingly, “She’s moving to your neck of the woods. With Pete.” Charity shrugs,

“And?”

“And….” Vanessa kisses her temple, her ear, her nose and Charity grins at the ease of her affection; it’s so freely given and Charity is an eager recipient, “I’m going to be around Emmerdale a lot more,” Another kiss and then another, “I might have to help her settle in, even have a few pints with her at her new local,”

It slowly dawns on Charity and a sly smile grows on her lips, “Oh yeah?”

“Mmmm,” This time Charity gets a brief kiss on her lips which she prolongs, nipping at Vanessa’s bottom lip, just how she knows she likes it, “Might have to prop up the bar, chat up the fit barmaid,”

“Is that right?”

“Oh yeah,” Vanessa sinks lower, kissing her again, deeper and slower, “That okay?”

Charity reluctantly pulls away, a glint in her eyes, “It is as long as you’re talking about me and not Chas,”

Vanessa swipes at her arm with a grin on her face, “Shut it you,” She slides off Charity’s lap, ignoring her protest and she holds out her hand down to Charity, “I think you know it’s you...or do you need me to show you?”

Charity resists the urge to leap off the sofa; instead, she languidly rises, holding her hand as Vanessa leads them to her bedroom, “I definitely think you need to show me,” Vanessa turns round and stops to kiss her midway to her room as if she can’t bear not to be kissing her, “You know, just in case.”

*

Noah notices the change as soon as Miss Goskirk and Mr Barton move to Emmerdale; for a start, he sees them practically constantly. If it’s not Mr Barton in the shop buying dinner then it’s Miss Goskirk walking down the street at lunchtime, greeting him with a smile and reminding not to be late back to class.

The most noticeable thing is that Miss Woodfield is around more. A lot more.

He had already guessed she would be; the three Biology teachers had always seemed like close friends at school and now Mr Kirk was seeing his Aunt Chas and Miss Goskirk was living in the village, Noah had presumed that he’d see her more often.

What he wasn’t prepared for was the difference in his mum.

He looks over from where he’s sat in one of the booths on his phone, Debbie and Sarah sat opposite him, chattering away about some Dingle drama that he’s long since lost interest in. His mum’s stood behind the bar, apparently working but she seems to be glued to where Miss Woodfield is sat, nursing a pint. It’s like they’re sharing some secret joke as his mum leans over the bar and they’re giggling together, their faces momentarily so close that if he didn’t know any better, he’d think they were about to kiss.

Except he knows they aren’t because his mum has generally been very diligent in hiding every trace of whatever it is they’re doing. But he can see the signs, signs that she’s happy, that she’s laughing more, messing around with him; they went bowling last week with Moses and she’d been like a child, making silly faces at his brother and spending ages playing on the arcade games with him.

It’s been months now, he thinks, that they’ve been together; he's holding his phone and nodding vaguely at whatever tirade Debbie is on, and he tries not to be too obvious in watching when his mum goes to get drinks for an aggrieved punter who’s clearly been waiting whilst her attentions were elsewhere. She flits round the bar with ease and he sees Miss Woodfield, seemingly unable to tear her gaze away from his mum. It’s funny, he thinks, that his mum has been in her fair share of relationships but no-one has ever looked at her like _that_ ; it’s like one of those romantic films that Debbie forces him to watch when he stays over; she looks like she’s in love.

He’s not quite sure how no-one else can see it, because it’s there. It’s right there.

*

She’s not falling for her, she’s definitely not.

Except it really feels like she is.

They’ve contrived ways of seeing each other since Rhona moved to Emmerdale; The Woolpack becomes her local despite her flat being in Hotten and Charity has become suddenly interested in working behind the bar whenever Vanessa happens to be there.

They’re getting bolder and it’s getting more risky. They hold hands on a date to a restaurant in Leeds and after, drunk on wine and shameless flirting, they kiss breathlessly up against a wall, waiting for their taxi; Charity presses her back, the cool brick forgotten as she causes a rush of heat to ignite in Vanessa; there’s a whisper in her ear (“ _where the hell is that taxi_?”) and Vanessa’s never wanted to get home faster as Charity’s hand creeps up her thigh in the back of the cab.

She can’t help but watch Charity sleep after she’s made her scream out in ecstasy into the empty flat; the moonlight casts shadows over Charity’s face, blonde hair spread out over her pillow; Vanessa suddenly wants everything; she wants openness and honesty and for none of this to be some sordid little secret because it feels the absolute opposite.

It feels right and good and Vanessa has the worst feeling she’s setting herself up for a fall.

*

Vanessa's been in the pub for an hour and, Charity checks her watch, forty six minutes; and for most of that time, she's been imagining various ways that she can get Vanessa on her own, because it's been three days since they've had a moment together and Charity's practically climbing the walls. Except she's surprising herself because it's not just the physical side she's missing, it's being able to hold Vanessa in her arms, to hear her laugh and to talk to her, to just _be_ in her presence.

And Vanessa, all prim and proper in her yellow rain coat and ponytail, is being a tease every time it just _happens_ to be her getting the drinks; all sultry looks and batting eyelashes but Charity is helpless to resist and wants her desperately, in the same way she's sure that Vanessa wants her.

"Don't you look a treat?" Charity whispers, her voice low and gravelly, eyeing up any potential eavesdroppers in the vicinity as Vanessa waits for the next round of drinks at the bar.

"Oh do I?" Vanessa plays innocent and Charity shoots her a quirked eyebrow.

"Babe, you _know_ I've got some very good memories of that top," Charity responds, lifting a pint to the bar, "Or should I say, I've got some good memories of getting you _out_ of that top,"

"I've got some good memories of what you did after," Vanessa murmurs back, "On my dining table in fact,"

Charity smirks, lowering her voice, "Hm, I was actually thinking about what we did up against the wall in your living room,"

She sees Vanessa bite her lip and there's a thrill in knowing that Vanessa wants her, wants _this_ just as much as her. Before she can continue, there's a shout from the other side of the pub where Rhona, Pete and Tracy sit, clearly waiting impatiently.

"V, are we going to die of thirst before we get them drinks?"

Vanessa turns round, plastering a smile on her face, "Two seconds," She replies loudly over the din of the busy pub, "Can't get the staff these days..." She turns back to Charity in time to see the indignant look on her face.

"Oi you," Charity jibes back, "I was a bit distracted werent I?" She gestures subtly down to Vanessa's top, "What with you havin' the girls out for the evening,"

Vanessa blushes as Charity puts the last drink on the bar and Vanessa picks up the tray of drinks, ready to return to her friends, "Well, play your cards right and you can see a lot more of 'em later," She winks salaciously and Charity's body surges into heat and it takes everything she has not to ogle Vanessa as she saunters away.

"Mum!" She hears from the opposite side of the pub and she turns to see Debbie sat with James, a brewery technician, stood next to the table, "James was just saying that he thinks he's fixed whatever's wrong with that barrel,"

"Oh great, thanks" She says genuinely to James who smiles a little bit too much back at her, "I've been covered in rancid ale a few too many times because of that thing,"

James shrugs, "Should be workin' fine now," He offers her a hand and she shakes it, "But if there's any more problems, call me any time," James catches her gaze and she smiles tightly in response; she can read men like a book, "Day or night, I'm happy to help," He produces a card from his jacket and she quickly pockets it in her jeans.

"Right, well, er, thanks for that," She can feel Debbie's amused eyes on her as James makes a move to leave, "Appreciate it,"

"No worries," James bids his goodbye, "Nice to see you again,"

"You too," Charity's suddenly desperate for him to leave, desperate that Vanessa isn't watching her from the other side of the pub; she's used to thriving on jealousy in her relationships; the ability to shamelessly tease enough to prompt envy, purely because she could, because it made her feel desired and wanted and needed. Except now, she dreads it because, whilst the fact that she feels like it terrifies her, the very idea of even flirting with someone else makes her feel vaguely sick.

"Well," Debbie starts and Charity's dreading the direction she knows this conversation is automatically heading, "He fancies you a bit doesn't he?"

"Does he?" Charity brushes it off with a shrug, "Didn't notice,"

"He's good looking and he's interested, since when have you not noticed that?" Debbie looks at her sceptically. "You're not, er, you're not seeing someone are you?"

Charity’s heart clenches momentarily, "No, no" She attempts a smile as her gaze automatically drifts to Vanessa, laughing with her friends and looking perfect and vibrant and alive, "Just not interested, that's all,"

Thankfully Debbie seems to move on from James The Brewery Tech, and Charity knows that there's a way to deal with all this but she's still afraid, still scared that she's going to mess it up, that she'll mess everything up in her own special way once everyone finds out; keeping it safe, just between her and Vanessa is the only way that she gets to keep the one person who's ever really made her feel anything at all.

*

"Mmm," Vanessa stretches in the bed, the covers bunching at her waist and she feels a kiss pressed against her throat, "Morning," She rolls her head to the side to face Charity, a sleepy smile on her face.

"Morning to you," Charity's fingers trace down her torso and Vanessa licks her lips in response as her hand dances lower and lower, "I must say I appreciate the wake up call," She gestures down to Vanessa where the sheets have exposed her.

"Cheeky," She kisses Charity's nose, feeling the familiar surge of confidence whenever Charity compliments her; she's never been particularly shy about her body but the lust that Charity exudes whenever she's even in her vicinity makes her feel so good about herself.

They slip into comfortable silence in each other's arms, Vanessa nuzzling into Charity's neck, "What you up to today?"

"Oh, probably yet another delightful day in The Woolpack, how about you?"

"Teaching a load of bored kids about the human digestive system," She practically groans in disappointment and Charity can't help but smile because as much as she complains, she knows how much Vanessa loves her job.

"Oh, well, on second thoughts, my day is sounding a lot better," Charity pauses before adding, "Ey, my Noah better not be one of them bored kids," Vanessa nudges her and leans on to her elbow,

"Course not, Noah's one of the 'em who actually listens, wish a few more were like him," Charity preens at the compliment and she can't resist the urge to kiss her before sighing, "I better get up or I'm gonna be late,"

Charity pouts and grumbles as Vanessa starts to ready herself, flitting around the bedroom to grab clothes as she lingers in the bed, "D'ya need a lift?" Charity asks whilst she quickly checks her phone for any messages from Noah, "Your car's still in the garage isn't it?"

Vanessa shakes her head with a roll of her eyes, "Yep, no doubt they'll charge me an arm and a leg for the privilege,"

"I did say you should have taken it to our Debs," Charity reminds her, "Would have saved you a load of hassle,"

Vanessa stops, a cautious look on her face, "I know, I just...I didn't want to make things difficult for you," She avoids making eye contact, "It could have raised some eyebrows, that's all,"

Charity scoffs, "What, you taking your car to a mechanic? Yeah, dead suss that," She's not sure why she's pushing this, why she's questioning Vanessa when this need to keep everything quiet is all of her own doing.

Vanessa stops getting ready, hesitating at the dresser; her back is towards Charity but she can tell that there's something lurking underneath, that Vanessa wants to say something and Charity can't help pushing the buttons. "I was trying to help you, I thought someone might ask questions" Vanessa turns and Charity feels actual physical pain at the sad look in her eyes, "I didn't want you to have to give answers that you aren't ready for,"

Charity practically leaps from the bed, "Babe, it's not like that, you know it isn't," She grasps Vanessa's hands and relishes the feel of them in her own; it's like they belong, "I want them to know, I just have to give it a bit more time, that's all,"

Vanessa squeezes her hands briefly, "It's okay, I promise," Vanessa manages a smile and Charity has an awful feeling that it's forced, "I want you, whether we have to keep it quiet or not; I just want you,"

"I want you too," Charity kisses her temple, "I'm proud of you, proud that you're my girlfr-," The word slips out before she can stop it.

Vanessa pulls back with a grin, "I'm your girlfriend?"

Charity narrows her eyes playfully, "Are you not then?"

"Only if you want me to be," Charity runs her hands down Vanessa's back to rest on her bum, giving it a light squeeze, "What do you think?"

"Hmm," Vanessa play acts, pretending to contemplate the question, "I'll go with yeah, you probably do,"

"Damn right," Charity leans forwards, capturing Vanessa's lips in a kiss that she never wants to stop. _I have a girlfriend_ , she thinks and it surprises Charity how little it scares her. Even the mere concept of commitment has always had caused her to flee in the opposite direction, but Vanessa seems to have the opposite affect; she's leaning into a permanence that she never thought she wanted and instead of scaring her, it thrills her.

_What have you turned me into Vanessa Woodfield_ , she thinks affectionately, _what have you done_.

*

She's ambling through the village, arm in arm with Rhona and Johnny totters along in front of them, weaving around in what she guesses is some game that he's invented by himself.

"So, how do you think your Year Elevens are going to do next week?" Rhona asks with a sigh, "I'm dreading it, they've spent most of this term ignoring everything I say,"

Vanessa laughs lightly, "Mm, same here, they're all sneaking a look on their phones when they think I can't see," She shakes her head, "I swear, they're surgically attached to the bloody things,"

"Oh, like you aren't?" Rhona counters, nudging her gently in the side as they walk, "You can barely last five minutes away from yours, I can hardly get three words out of you when you're on it," Vanessa laughs along, a stab of guilt hitting her; she and Charity have been messaging each other near constantly and it's hard to deny that it's been affecting her friendships.

They approach The Woolpack and Johnny slows down, standing still at the steps and turning to face them, almost jumping up and down with impatience at what he deems their overly slow pace.

"Mummy, mummy, mummy" He bounces, before running slightly unsteadily back to them, grabbing her hand with his mittens and pulling her gently.

"Someone's keen," Rhona remarks as Vanessa helps him up the steps and into the warmth of the pub; on the inside, she's as eager as her son, hoping to spend at least a few minutes with Charity, even if it is under the glare of the locals.

Vanessa immediately scouts the bar, trying to see whether she's working; instead it's Chas behind the bar and she gives a friendly, if disappointed, wave. Rhona gets them a table, helping Johnny up to a seat as they remove their coats and settle.

She approaches the bar, greeting Chas amiably; they've begun to know each other relatively well as her relationship with Paddy has progressed and Chas has a wicked sense of humour that is eerily similar to Charity's.

"Is, er, is Charity not working today then?" She tries to play it cool, to be casual and unaffected but there's a curious look on Chas' face that tells her she's probably not succeeded.

"She's round the back wi' Moses," Chas answers, a knowing smile on her face, "She'll be through in a minute," Chas pauses, adding almost with a whisper, "especially if _you're_ here,"

Except Vanessa can't quite be sure whether Chas said what she _thinks_ she said, so she smiles awkwardly and places their orders for lunch. As she finishes, she sees Charity emerge from the back and there's the most beautiful smile on her face when she sees Vanessa at the bar; she's got Moses on her hip and he's playing with her blonde curls.

"Hiya love," Chas greets the toddler affectionately, ruffling his hair as Charity comes to stand next to her.

Vanessa tries to smother the grin that blooms on her face at the sight of her, "Hi,"

"Hi," Charity responds and she’s sure that they're standing there grinning at each other like idiots when Chas coughs awkwardly causing Charity to edge out from behind the bar and Vanessa nears her, unable to tear the smile from her face, "How's, er, things?" She asks and Vanessa wants to blurt out the truth, that she's been fine since they last saw each other, when they'd had sex that morning before cuddling in bed and then watching ridiculous cartoons with Johnny on the sofa; it was a morning so perfectly domestic that she can't help wanting to be honest, consequences be damned.

Instead, she just replies with a nod of the head, "Fine, thanks,"

Before Charity can respond, Vanessa hears the loud voice of her son in the relatively quiet pub and she feels him dart past her, "Chatty!" He toddles past her, "Moz!"

Vanessa feels a sudden clench at her at the familiarity that her son has with both the Dingles, “Johnny, calm down,” She tries to placate him before he launches himself at Charity’s legs but to no avail as he ends up grabbing onto her jeans tightly.

“Chatty!” He repeats and she indulges him with an affectionate smile, putting Moses down onto the floor, who immediately takes Johnny’s hand before she crouches down to their eye level, “I had missed you.”

Vanessa knows she should probably be worried by the amused look on Chas’ face, who is now barely paying attention to the pint she’s pulling and instead watching her cousin kneel to the floor, comfortably chatting to Vanessa’s son.

“Hi little man,” She says and Vanessa’s heart tugs at the genuine smile on Charity’s face; her eyes light up as the three of them have a conversation between themselves that Vanessa can’t quite catch from her position.

A few moments pass before Vanessa cajoles her son gently, “Come on Johnny,” There’s an apologetic smile at Charity who doesn’t seem particularly fazed, “Let’s leave Moses and Charity alone for a bit eh?”

Charity rises from her kneeling position, briefly squeezing Johnny’s shoulder and meeting Vanessa’s gaze, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“They get on well don’t they?” Chas comments from the other side of the bar, and there’s a smile on her face that Vanessa thinks means she knows more than she’s letting on.

“Oh, yeah, er, nursery,” Charity explains, picking Moses back up, shifting him to her hip, “Vanessa brings him sometimes don’t you?”

“What? Oh yeah, yeah,” She nods along, playing the game before a moment of silence falls over them and she realises that she's been gazing at Charity for slightly too long, "Well, er, good to see you," She picks up Johnny and edges back to a waiting Rhona on the other side of the pub, "See you again....at nursery probably," She offers an awkward laugh that Charity can't help a sly smirk at before she leaves Charity along with Chas.

"Don't," Charity warns.

"How do you know I was going to say anythin'?" Chas sidles up alongside her.

"Oh so you weren't?" Charity bounces Moses slightly, knowing he's due for a nap soon.

"No, course I wasn't," Chas pauses, her voice lowering, "But, if I _was_...."

"Here it comes," Charity grumbles under her breath.

" _Maybe_ if you don't want people to realise you're in a secret relationship," Chas offers quietly, careful to keep their conversation private, "You might want to take that loved up smile off your face eh?" Chas grins at her "Just a bit of advice, that's all,"

Chas wanders off to serve a punter at the bar and Charity is left standing there, Moses tugging gently on her hair and Vanessa sat in her eye line, laughing and joking with Rhona, full of brightness and sunshine and everything Charity had never realised she'd wanted. Vanessa, who wants a future and a life together; Vanessa, her girlfriend that Charity is carefully compartmentalising away and she can't help but wonder how long Vanessa's going to endure the secrecy and the lies and the deceit. And Charity has the strangest feeling that everything is going to fall down around her, very soon.

*


	5. 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally posting the last chapter of this which I have been editing and re-writing for too long. Apologies for any errors - it's been posted in a hurry so I can move on to my next idea. Thank you for all the lovely comments - it's a great encouragement.

"Babe," She manages to pant the words as her chest heaves and her body sinks into the mattress; she feels eager fingers dance up her thigh, "Babe, you're going to have give me a sec..."

Vanessa slides up next to her from her place between her legs, a wicked smile on her face and her mouth glistening. She moves to nestle next to Charity as she quickly wipes her chin with the back of her hand and kisses Charity's shoulder affectionately.

"Missed you," She mumbles into her skin, placing another kiss there, longer and harder this time.

Charity smirks, a little laugh emanating from her lips, "Yeah, I can tell,"

"Oi you, you're supposed to say you missed me too," There's a little playful pinch in her ribs in response.

"I did you know," Charity says suddenly, her voice quiet, "Miss you I mean," And she did; it had been almost a week since they'd seen each other; a combination of work and children and social engagements had ended in her not seeing Vanessa for six days and it had felt unbearably long, in a way that Charity can hardly admit to herself. They had messaged each other almost constantly during the time they weren't together and Vanessa had managed a few phone calls in the dead of night (which Charity had invaraiably managed to turn to sex with a sultry " _so, what you wearing?"_ that Vanessa had laughed at and then proceeded to tell her just how little, in detail) But none of it had ventured anywhere close to having Vanessa with her, being in her bed, holding her and being able to just exist together in their little bubble.

"Well, we'll just have to make sure we don't go as long without seeing each other next time, eh?" Vanessa nuzzles into her neck and her arm moves gently over Charity's waist, as if to hold her there with her. _I'm not going anywhere_ , Charity thinks, placing a kiss in Vanessa's hair.

They lay in comfortable silence for moment as she feels Vanessa's fingers draw patterns on her skin that she can't quite decipher. It's moments like this where she feels so absolutely herself, like nothing and no-one can touch her anymore.

"You alright?" Vanessa asks her out, breaking into the quiet.

"Hm? Yeah I'm fine babe," Charity squeezes her and she _is_. She _is_ fine and she doesn't have to pretend anymore.

*

"Well, this is a nice surprise," Charity whispers from behind, close to Vanessa’s ear and she enjoys the surprise from her unaware girlfriend in front of her.

　

She had been sat on her phone for the last hour, wedged in between a bickering Faith and Chas on the last available sofa in the café, contemplating whether they would even notice if she just upped and left them to it. Her attention had been caught by a familiar figure entering the café, all yellow rain coat and windswept hair and Charity had smothered the grin that threatened to appear on her face.

　

Vanessa, seemingly oblivious of her presence, had joined the back of the long queue and Charity downed the dregs of her coffee in order to excuse herself to purchase another one; she had then taken great delight in stealthily approaching her girlfriend from behind.

　

"Jesus, Charity," Vanessa turns around, the shock still evident along with the hint of a grin on her face and Charity wonders whether it should concern her that it seems to be her mission in life to make Vanessa smile, "I didn’t know you were here."

　

"Got stuck with them two miseries didn’t I?" She gestures briefly to the sofa where Chas and Faith appear to remain squabbling with Chas dramatically rolling her eyes, "You on your own?"

　

"Rhona’s come down with something, just grabbing her a smoothie," She shrugs, "I’m being the supportive best friend and nurse,"

　

Charity can’t help herself as she bites her lip, her volume lowering as she leans in to whisper, "Oh yeah? Playing nurse are you? Come to think of it, I’m starting to feel a bit hot and bothered," Her eyes dart to Vanessa’s mouth, the pull of desire always close by.

　

"You aren’t ill," Vanessa quirks an eyebrow in response.

　

"Hmm," Charity leans further in, knowing that she’s breaching the boundaries that she herself set up, "Maybe it’s the thought of you in a little nurse outfit that’s got me all flustered,"

　

She watches in satisfaction as Vanessa’s eyes darken in response, her breath hitching, "Oh really?"

　

"In fact, I’ve got some urgent _areas_ that need attention," She’s sure she should stop, that she’s probably drawing unnecessary attention from anyone who might cast their eye over them, but she’s helpless in the face of the woman in front of her.

　

Vanessa looks up through her lashes, her voice equally quiet yet seductive, "I bet you do,"

　

Charity is about to respond when she notices a figure approaching them from the corner of her eye; she turns to see a brunette woman, smiling at them both.

　

"Hi," She beams at Vanessa, "You here for Rhona?"

　

Charity feels lost as her girlfriend returns the brunette’s warm smile, "Yeah, I am actually, she hasn’t roped you in as well has she?"

　

The woman chuckles lightly, "No, I did offer to come over as well to keep her company," She pauses, "Especially as she seems to think she’s dying of the flu,"

　

"Ever the drama queen eh?" Vanessa laughs in response before she turns to Charity, "God, I’m sorry, Charity this is Nina, she teaches Chemistry. Nina, this is Charity, Noah Dingle’s mum, she lives in the village," Charity exchanges a handshake with Nina, smiling politely as the pair make conversation about people and topics that Charity has no involvement in.

　

Nina joins the queue behind them as they slowly move closer to the counter, "You going to Kerry’s party next weekend?"

　

Charity rarely feels awkward but as they talk she can’t help but feel on the periphery, thrown from an innuendo-laden conversation with her girlfriend to just being a mum of one of the kids that they have to teach. She hangs back slightly in the queue, the empty coffee mug she had intended to get refilled feels heavy in her hands.

　

"Yeah probably," Vanessa grimaces, "Tracy made me promise to go, something about me turning into an old maid if I don’t get out the flat…" Charity can’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment that this means another weekend without Vanessa; she wants every weekend, every day, every night with her and she quietens the voice in her head that tells her the secrecy and the hiding is what _she_ wanted. She asked for it, she _begged_ for it and now she’s the one crumbling under the weight of it, "I take it you’re going too?"

　

"I did have other plans," Nina rolls her eyes, "But my date cancelled on me...got a text from her last night saying she was washing her hair," Vanessa giggles in response as Nina laughs along, "Whoever said dating women was easier was definitely lying."

　

"Tell me about it," Vanessa replies with a knowing grin at Nina and Charity feels like she’s intruding, like she’s stepped into a conversation that doesn’t need or require her. She leans forward around the queuing customers in front of them, shoving the empty coffee mug on the side and gestures to Vanessa and Nina, gossiping comfortably to each other, that she’s going. She doesn't want to watch them chat whilst her own neuroses and worries consume her; she wants to leave and forget that there are other women, other women that could be open and proud with Vanessa, with no falsehoods and dishonesty.

　

She catches the alarmed expression on Vanessa’s face before she leaves; there’s confusion and uncertainty and she’d give anything to be able to kiss it away, in front of everyone.

　

But she’s can’t. So she doesn’t.

　

*

　

_Can I come over? V xx_

　

She reads the text over and over before responding; she feels like a hormonal teenager, jealous that someone’s talked to her girlfriend and she knows she should be better, that she _can_ be better. She’s sat in the lounge of the pub, full of embarrassment at leaving in the way she did. Charity doesn’t doubt Vanessa’s fidelity, she’s never had any need to; Vanessa has whispered enough reassurances in the dead of night, pressing their lips together, telling Charity that she’s hers alone.

　

_Yeah, sure. I’m in the back. C xx_

　

She waits patiently; each noise, every creak and groan of the old building putting her on alert for her girlfriend’s potential arrival.

　

Her heart soars stupidly when Vanessa’s face pokes round the door; she looks slightly hesitant but, Charity notes, still with a smile on her face like she wants to see her, like it isn't a chore, "Hey," She greets her quietly, sliding her coat off and edging onto the sofa next to her, "Chas said Noah’s out so we don’t have to worry,"

　

"Yeah," Charity replies quietly; she’s turned Vanessa into a very good liar and she detests her ability to turn everything good into its opposite, "He’s round a mate’s."

　

Silence falls over them and Charity struggles to find words to fill it.

　

Vanessa turns to her, her hands reaching for Charity’s, covering them with her warmth and Charity wonders if she’d ever feel cold again with this woman next to her. "Are you okay?"

　

"I’m sorry," She says finally, "I shouldn’t have left at the café," Charity pauses, "It was rude,"

　

"Okay, are you _sure_ you’re alright?" Vanessa winks and grins, "You never apologise."

　

"Babe, I’m being serious," Charity implores and Vanessa sobers, "I shouldn’t have left like that and I’m sorry,"

　

She feels Vanessa’s thumb stroke the back of her hand; it’s soothing but scary, how she does this. How Vanessa manages to calm and relax her with a simple touch.

　

"Were you…." Vanessa pauses, almost to gather herself, "Were you jealous?"

　

Charity sighs, shrugging, all pretence abandoned, "A bit yeah," She leans back on the sofa and Vanessa follows, resting on her shoulder, their hands still entwined on Charity’s lap, "I’m jealous that you have a life that I’m not part of,"

　

_Because you chose that_ , Charity can hear in Vanessa’s voice, _you chose to keep this secret_ , _to keep me a secret._

　

"There’s so many women out there Ness," The words hurt to say out loud, and the truth of it threatens to choke her, "Better ones than me," She’s not going to cry, she _won’t_.

　

Vanessa kisses the shoulder that she leans on and Charity is almost certain that Vanessa inhales, breathing in the scent of her, as if she really means something. "I don’t care about any other women Charity," Vanessa leans up, taking Charity’s chin in her hand so they meet face to face, "There’s no one better, not for me."

　

"Not even Nina?" Charity can’t help but add, her gaze downcast.

　

"No one." Vanessa kisses her nose and Charity rolls her eyes at the soppiness of it all, except she’s starting to love it; that someone sees her worthy of their affection, offered openly and without guile; there’s nothing Vanessa wants in return, just _her_.

　

And now the problem is, Charity doesn’t think she can live without it. Without _her_.

　

*

　

They end up in bed together, grasping and writhing and Vanessa collapses onto the mattress. She feels so utterly exhausted afterwards as they cuddle into each other with racing hearts; she’s just so _so_ tired, tired of everything. She’s tired of the way she feels and the way she knows it’s too much. She knows that what’s growing inside of her, blossoming and strengthening with time, is too much to keep a secret anymore.

　

Charity nestles into her neck, an arm flung over her waist possessively and it’s almost too much for Vanessa to bear.

　

She bites the inside of her lip, staring up at the ceiling, counting the cracks in the plaster and willing the tears away. She knows what she’s feeling and the strength of it stuns her; the desire to be with Charity is like nothing she’s felt before and she’s certain she’ll never feel quite this way about anyone else.

　

But she’s reaching breaking point, a zenith where her feelings are too big to keep locked inside her, where her wicked jealous streak too often climbs out of her body, reaching and arching through her veins when Charity laughs and flirts harmlessly with the locals. But still, she worries and panics and lies awake at night, like she is now, analysing and evaluating until nothing makes sense.

　

It’s all too much. It’s all far, far too much.

*

They're sat in the pub and Vanessa is well aware that she's spent most of the evening scowling rather than enjoying herself with her friends. She knows that she's been practically sending a death glare over the hubbub of The Woolpack towards the bar where her girlfriend ( _secret girlfriend_ , she corrects herself and her heart aches) is making conversation with _Him_.

James, the brewery technician, has been back too many times for her liking and she'd told Charity so over a takeaway in her flat, Johnny playing next to them, trying to make a tower out of the fortune cookies. Charity had shaken her head as if the thought hadn't even occurred to her (" _what are you like eh?" she places a delicate kiss on Vanessa's temple, holding herself close for a moment,_ " _why would I want anyone else when I've got you_?")

But she's spending her Saturday night intermittently glaring into her pint and then watching her laughing with James and there's jealousy creeping inside of her, the tendrils of it curling their way around her stomach, suffocating her.

She can feel Rhona beside her, edging slightly closer, her voice low to cover their conversation from Pete, Tracey and Paddy who are ribbing each other about something that Vanessa hasn't been paying attention to.

"You'll burn a hole in his head soon," Rhona tries to offer jokingly and Vanessa turns to face her, perfecting an expression of confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on Ness, you can't fool me," Rhona nudges her with her arm, her voice quiet and gentle, "You like her don't you?"

And she's so close to admitting it, to letting it all tumble out of her; how they've been together for months, that she spends practically all her time with Charity and it's still not enough, and even when they're not together, all she can think is _her_ but there's other truths; like that she's petrified, that she lies awake at night, Charity breathing evenly beside her, scared that she's fallen for someone that will never ever want to be truly hers.

"She's the mum of one of my students Rhona," Vanessa replies instead, her eyes darting to her drink; she hates lying but she's become used to it now; she's used to the deceit and the games that she needs to play so she can hang on to Charity for just that bit longer.

"Well, if I didn't know any better," Rhona leans towards her conspiratorially, "I'd say you were jealous,"

The words flare up inside of her at the same time as Charity's distinct laugh rings out slightly over the din of the voices in the pub; she looks over to see her with a wide smile on her face, serving James who she's sure is practically undressing her with his eyes.

Rhona starts again, her voice on the periphery of Vanessa's awareness; she can feel her friend watching her intently, watching for any signs and she's just so sad that she can't help radiating her emotions in every breath and sigh; she's so tired of hiding, "Are you two together?"

Vanessa turns to look at her and there's a look of dawning realisation on Rhona's face; she knows in that instant that things are going to start tumbling down.

"So you're keeping it all a secret then?" There’s an air of something in Rhona's voice that she doesn't like the sound of; it’s disappointment and pity, "Oh Ness, you deserve better than that,"

Vanessa's struggling to think; she's trying to put logical, coherent thoughts together but all she's left with is the sounds of Tracy cackling at Paddy and Pete, Rhona's concerned eyes and worried tone. She's left staring at Charity, flirting with Him and she can see Noah slope back into the bar, sliding into a seat with Debbie who's chatting animatedly with Chas. The world feels like it's closing in on her and she should have known; she should have known because Vanessa Woodfield never ever gets what she wants.

"I can't watch this," She says finally, her voice trembling and her eyes flitting over the scene at the bar. She starts to gather her belongings and she can feel her friends watching her but she barely cares anymore.

"V, you alright?" Tracy asks, her brows knit together in confusion, "Where you goin'?"

"Away from here," She tries to resist the urge to look at Charity, "I just need to be alone."

*

There's a panicked feeling her in her chest as she sees Vanessa getting ready to leave where she's been sat glowering for the past several hours; Charity's felt her watching, felt her sad eyes all over her and she's been painfully unable to do anything about it. What she wants to do is grab her by that ridiculous coat and kiss her, tell her that she's the only one in the world who feels right for her. Instead, she's making nice with some brewery technician who she's trying to keep on side for the next time their leaky pump system goes down yet again.

She smiles awkwardly at James and excuses herself, rounding the bar and heading in Vanessa's direction, nausea rising in her stomach. Vanessa's winding a scarf round her neck and when Charity approaches, it take a moment for their gazes to meet, like she can't bear to look at her, "Hi," Vanessa smiles tightly and it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Can I, er, can I have a word?" She feels nervous and anxious, even more so when she can feel Rhona scrutinising her carefully.

There's a pause before Vanessa nods ever so slightly and she lets herself be guided to an empty table, away from prying eyes. As they sit, Charity sees Noah watching her curiously and she ducks her head to avoid seeing his stare.

"What is it?" Vanessa asks abruptly and Charity winces at the tone that she is so unused to hearing from her.

"You off then?"

Vanessa purses her lips, "Well, I didn't really want to hang around to see you all over _him_ ,"

Charity sighs, "Babe, it's not like that," Her voice lowers further, "You know I'm not interested,"

"Really?" Vanessa mumbles and Charity feels her heart sink at the doubt at the edges of her voice.

"Don't be daft, I've got you haven't I?" She tries a cheeky smirk but it doesn't feel real but Vanessa's teary stare in response does, "What's wrong?" She resists the urge to lean forward and take Vanessa's hand in her own; she's itching to hold her, desperate for contact.

Vanessa looks down at the table, marked with stains and scratches, each one seemingly of infinite interest to her, "I can't do this anymore Charity," She pauses and looks up finally, "I _can't_."

And there it is.

"What?" She's surprised she manages to choke out the words, "What do you mean?"

Charity can see Vanessa biting her lip to stop herself from crying; it reminds her of how she looked when they'd watched some weepy film together just before Vanessa had practically sobbed on her shoulder; it would be endearing if she wasn’t almost sure heart was going to get ripped out.

And Vanessa's bottom lip is wobbling now and Charity can't help but look elsewhere, her own eyes tearing at the knowledge of what's coming, what she's throwing away. Her diverted gaze catches Noah who's watching them intently and she looks to Rhona who has a similar expression but they're the only ones that seem to notice; the rest of the pub, staff and punters alike, are just carrying on with their Saturday nights while her life falls apart.

Vanessa takes a deep, unsteady breath, "You _know_ how I feel about you," There's a tingle in her stomach at those words, an allusion to things that they've not said but Charity is almost sure that they both feel, "But I can't keep doing this, all this pretending and hiding," She stares intently at her and it feels like Vanessa can see everything in her, everything about her and it terrifies and thrills her in equal measure, "I said I wanted you whether we had to keep it quiet or not. But I lied," Charity's heart clenches as Vanessa steadies herself, tears pushing at the corners of her eyes, "I want you but I want all of you, not the little pieces I get in the dark or behind closed doors. I'm not ashamed of you Charity, I'm not ashamed of _us_ ," Vanessa pauses again, "And I can't be with someone who is."

"So, what? That's it?" Charity whispers, barely able to say it out loud, "You're dumping me?"

"I'm sorry," Vanessa starts and is about to make an attempt to leave the table but Charity interjects, desperation seizing her.

"He isn't anyone babe, I wasn't flirting with him, I just..." Charity stumbles for the right words, _any_ words at all to stop this from happening.

"I know, I know you weren't," Vanessa shrugs, full of resigned acceptance, "But seeing it and not being able to say anything, not being able to be open about _us_...." Vanessa exhales deeply, "It's killing me Charity, knowing I'm not good enough,"

"But you are, you _are_ ," She tries to put everything into her words; she tries to impart every feeing she has for Vanessa into what she says but she knows she's fighting a losing battle.

Vanessa rises from her seat, a watery smile on her face, "Bye Charity,"

*

It takes him seconds to dart from his seat as Miss Woodfield leaves the table and goes back to her friends, presumably to say goodnight; his mum is painfully still, sat at the table, her eyes glazed with what he thinks are tears.

He'd been able to guess their conversation from where he was sat, even though he couldn't hear the words. Miss Woodfield had been glaring at his mum and the bloke from the brewery for most of the night and he could feel what was coming, he just _knew_.

"Mum?" He asks hesitantly, and she looks up, surprised to see him standing there as if she'd been in another world entirely, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing babe, nothing," She plasters a smile on her face and he knows it isn't real because she looks so utterly defeated. She gathers some glasses from a nearby table, scoots around him and places them on the bar top, and then there's that tight smile on her face as she looks back at him, "Just chatting with your teacher, that's all."

But her eyes go elsewhere and Noah follows her gaze to Miss Woodfield, hugging her friends but her usual brightness is gone, replaced with something else, something that's mirrored on his mum's face.

He takes a deep breath and nears her; _this is the right thing to do_ , he thinks; it's the right thing to do for his mum.

"Mum," He touches her elbow gently, rousing her from watching the other woman, "I know,"

"Know what babe?"

"I _know_ ," He repeats, "I know about you and Miss Woodfield,"

Her eyes widen immediately before she schools her features carefully, "There's nothing...."

"I saw you, months ago, at the school, when you kissed her," He explains hurriedly, aware that Miss Woodfield is close to leaving not only the pub but probably his mum's life entirely, "I don't care mum, I don't care,"

"Noah..." She starts, her eyes tearing up again, "Babe, I...."

"I don't care whether it's a man or a woman, I just want you to be happy," Noah tells her "And _she_ makes you happy," And it's a relief, to finally let her know that he doesn't care, that his momentary anger has been replaced by something like acceptance and hope that she's finally okay and he doesn't have to worry about her anymore, that she's alright at _last_. He feels arms encircle him and then Debbie appears at his side, touching his shoulder.

"What's going on here then?" She asks, confusion etched into her face.

But there's no time to explain to her as Miss Woodfield hugs Miss Goskirk again and is going to head for the door, "Don't let her go mum," He implores with an urgent tone as they watch her make for the exit, "Just don't,"

He gives her a nudge in the direction of where Miss Woodfield is going and it seems to be enough encouragement as she moves swiftly from the bar.

"What's all that about?" Debbie asks with a concerned frown as they watch their mum reach Miss Woodfield in the middle of the pub.

He doesn't reply.

*

"Wait," Charity asks quietly as Vanessa sees her approach but she carries on towards the door and Charity is left behind, chasing her, unable to let her leave, "Ness, wait," She reaches for her arm, grabbing her jacket gently. The hold isn't unbreakable and Charity is relieved to feel Vanessa stop and turn to face her.

She looks so despondent and just desperately sad that Charity feels her heart breaking.

"Charity," Vanessa is quiet and pleading, "please _don't_ ," And Charity can hear it in her voice, unspoken and she can see it in Vanessa's eyes; _please don't do this, please don't make this harder than it already is._

But Charity can't help it, she needs to fight for this. Because she's not giving in any more, she's not giving up; _finally_ , she thinks out of nowhere, _I deserve to be happy._

They're starting to attract attention now; she can feel the regulars eyeing her little drama and thinking _here we go again_. She knows what they think of her, she knows their judgements and their whispered insults but she also knows something else; she knows that Vanessa Woodfield makes her feel worthy, makes her feel enough. Because of her, she loves and _is_ loved, in a way that she never thought she deserved.

And in that moment, she realises it all.

Vanessa's staring at her, all watery eyes and full of emotion that she's desperately trying to hide from the curious punters watching them. Charity takes a cautious step closer and she's relieved that Vanessa doesn't move away.

_I need to say this,_ she thinks, her mind buzzing with nerves but also the truth of it, the truth of what she knows she feels.

"You're wrong you know," She starts, her voice rough and gravelly, trying to get Vanessa to look at her properly and her voice slowly starts to rise in volume as she builds in confidence, "I'm not ashamed Ness, I could _never_ be ashamed," The pub is silent now and she can't find it in herself to care; Vanessa has definite tears brimming except she makes no attempt to hide them now, "And you know what? I'm not afraid either," The whole world has disappeared and faded and now it's just _them_ ; all she can see is Vanessa, "I love you."

Vanessa looks so utterly surprised at the words that she wants to say them again, so Vanessa knows exactly how much she means them, "I love you Vanessa, and I'm not afraid anymore,"

Vanessa wordlessly takes the two steps to close the gap between them, slowly bringing her hand to Charity's cheek, caressing it lightly before their lips meet gently and Charity feels her soul relax as her fingers tangle at the nape of Vanessa's neck.

Charity leans down, her forehead pressed against Vanessa's as she sighs, "I love you," She repeats it again, the joy at being able to finally say it overwhelms her. And she doesn't feel tied down, she feels set free.

"I love you too you know," Vanessa whispers and Charity feels so alive, her fingers tracing over Charity's cheekbones to emphasise every syllable.

This, she realises, is happiness.

*

_epilogue_

__

__

_"you know you're going to be remembered (for the things that you say and do)"_

　

It happens slowly, at the start, and then everything all at once.

They hold hands as they wander in the village and kiss each other on doorsteps.

It takes some time to get used to; that she's in a relationship that she's proud of, that she wants to shout about from the rooftops instead of how it has been before, glaring as people pass whispered judgement ( _is he married, has he got money, she’s probably being paid_ )

It takes some time to get used to the strength of Vanessa’s love for her, the unwavering and unbreakable nature of it and that her love is given without conditions or constraints.

When Noah posts a picture of the five of them on his Facebook page on Mother's Day (all red faced grins and messy hair from the wind up some hill that Charity has long since forgotten the name of) she's so surprised at his unusual public display of affection that she almost misses the comments from people underneath; friends and acquaintances gushing at the photo. She sees Sarah comment with a series of little pink hearts and Debbie replies that they're the "perfect family". Charity can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of peace in herself and this beautiful woman who’s _hers_ as she reads stealthily through the responses from people that she used to find raising eyebrows about her, people that have now slowly started to see who she really is.

She's a different person now, not because of Vanessa but _for_ Vanessa. She wants to be the woman that she deserves. And maybe the woman she herself knows she deserves to be.

And she posts her own photo not too long afterwards (both clad in bikinis with sun kissed skin and palm trees in the background, Vanessa kissing her cheek gleefully and Charity beaming into the camera, her ring pressing comfortably into her finger) and there’s a caption that reads "Mrs and Mrs Dingle".

She doesn’t look at the post again until they’re back in England, tired and content, and she grins to herself as notifications pop up on her phone as they wait at the baggage claim, Vanessa’s hand firmly entwined in her own.

"You look happy," Vanessa says and Charity wonders if she’s ever not happy now.

"I am," Charity squeezes her hand, "Got you haven’t I?"

"Oh you little charmer," She leans into her side, kissing her shoulder quickly before sneakily glancing at the screen, "Hm, someone’s popular,"

"Apparently, everyone’s over the moon for us," She tightens her hand again and a moment of silence falls over them and she doesn’t want to cry, here in the airport with tired travelers surrounding them but she really can’t help the lump in her throat that forms; Charity Dingle, standing with her sleepy wife after their honeymoon, ready to return home to their happy, healthy children that love her, that _want_ her.

"I love you," She says in a whisper, her cheek resting on Vanessa’s head as they stand side by side and she grounds herself in the here and now, steady in the life she has. Because it’s hers. And it’s going nowhere.

　

　

 

　

　

 


End file.
